Life is Liz (LiL, #1)

Chapter 63: Ignorance

"Hey, Bee, I'm sure you know it's me considering the thousand other times I've left a message." A pause. "God," he groaned. "Just... Can you please, please stop avoiding me. Bee, I'm sorry and I want to say this to your face and have a real conversation with you, but you make this kind of impossible by ignoring me." A sigh. "I'm a jerk, I know, and I'm sure you know too and I understand that you are mad at me." His voice turned low, strangled, pained. "But please stop cutting me out of your life. I know that I made a mistake, but this isn't fair. Look, Bee, I... I-I... I miss you." Another pause then he continued. "Remember that I warned you of this before but you wouldn't listen."

The muscles of my heart twisted and turned like it had gone through a mixer, pounded painfully in my ribcage, pumping ice-cold blood through my body. Goosebumps spread from my chest up to the base of my skull until freezing shivers ran through my form.

I missed him more than anything. His absence was like a growing rock in my ribcage. Every time I moved it jiggled in my chest and bumped overwhelmingly intense against my heart. Setting free a chain reaction, said muscles crashed against one lung then the other until it bounced in between the two and pressed them so tightly against my ribs until I could hardly take in a breath without it hurting.

Our lack of socializing threatened to slowly drain me. I'd never gone such a long time without talking to him and it'd been hardly a few days. I hadn't realized before what a huge role Ryan played in my life let alone how much I counted on him to cheer me up whenever I was dragged down. And not being able to talk to him while going through the fights with Sam and my panic attacks didn't sit well with my mind. I could hardly sleep at night despite days full of exhaustion. My mind was bugging me more and more each day.

Another ring of the doorbell pulled me out of my thoughts. Reluctantly, I pushed myself off the couch and went to the door. Mom, as well as dad, were at work still which left me with the question who was on my front porch.

The doorbell rang once more just as I pulled it open.

My heart started. "Sam."

"Hey," he greeted somewhat sheepish, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. "Can I come in?"

I wasn't feeling like fighting again, but who knows maybe he was here to make things right. I could only hope for a good outcome.

I opened the door wider to let him in.

Our living room had never been so filled to the brim with awkward cold. I stood with my arms wrapped around me to shelter my freezing body of more chills. Silence had settled over the room like a huge blanket of snow, icing us both to the spot.

"So," I cleared my throat nervously. "Would you like to drink something?"

"Uh, no, thank you."

I could barely keep myself from cursing. Things were so awkward between us it twisted my stomach uncomfortably. I wish he would have said yes just because it would have given me something to do.

His gaze fell to the book situated on the coffee table. "So, you, uh, you're reading a new book, huh?"

I nodded timidly. "Yeah."

We fell into silence again.

He was the one that came to my house to talk shouldn't he also be the one to start the conversation then.

I threw that thought out the window fairly quickly. I'd had enough of these awkward vibes between us and of counting the seconds until he spoke. So, with a deep breath, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

"Sam, about what happened the day you came to pick me up..." His eyes held a curious glint to them as he watched me. "Hours before I had gym class and somebody..." I paused to sigh in embarrassment. "My shirt was suddenly gone and Ryan was kind enough to provide me with something to cover myself with, which happened to have been his old jersey."