Life is Liz (LiL, #1)

Chapter 14: Helper Syndrom

Song up there is St. Augustine by band of horses. And the picture at the top should give you an image of what it feels like to hear those never ending voices in your head. 

Hope you enjoy.

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There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -Hamlet, William Shakespeare

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To: douchebag

Thank u. Now I'm ok

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Friendship

I still had no idea if I could call Ryan a friend. I mean last night was nice. I had fun talking to Ryan and all, but.... I don't know.

When we had talked about it , the night that I fainted, I had lied to him when I told him that I didn't want to get hurt. I guess, the real reason why I didn't want to become friends with him was that I didn't want to add another name to the list of people I had to lie to. People that I was disappointing. People that I burdened with my problems.

Because let's be honest if you'd become my friend you'd embrace a nightmare. That I had broken down in front of Ryan, two days ago, was evidence enough.

Nobody wanted a friend as weak as me. Somebody who was serious most of the time and didn't know how to relax into a conversation properly. Who was obsessed with books. And was uncomfortable to talk to new people. Who'd rather be inside all day and listened to music or watch some Netflix than spending time at a party or bowling with friends.

'Cause that was my life. And to be honest, I was happy to spend time inside. In the majority of cases by myself, giving me space to breathe and to actually relax. Sometimes I needed more time to myself than others, just lying in bed and thinking.

I guess, one of the reasons why I was trying to be nice, was to make up for everything I did wrong. And that was somethin-

"Liz. Hey L, are you listening to me?" I was cut off my thoughts as Courtney threw a vegetable at my face. I grimaced as it bounced off and fell into my lap.

"Ew, Courtney. Was this really necessary?" I grabbed it and put it back on our lunch table.

"Yes, it was, you ignored me."

"Okay, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

"I asked you if you could make time for me this weekend."

"Make time for you?" I chuckled. "That sounds so odd. But yeah, I guess I can 'make time for you'." I shook my head. She munched on some vegetables.

"Yeah, well I have no clue when I'll get to spend time with you alone. You're always with Ryan these days. Which I don't have anything against, but..." she trailed off, looking around as if anybody would eavesdrop on us. We were two of the first to get here. So there weren't that many people at her table yet. Ryan included.

"But?" I raised my eyebrows at her.

"But would you please tell me what is going on between the two of you?" She frowned.

"What do you mean? Nothing's going on."

"Oh come on. You're spending every single second together. So, tell me," she said, eager to hear new gossip.