Conversations With My Love (boyxboy)

67. You Saved Me Again.

"Damn, try to think positively please," my friend told me, "It seems like you just want Kenny to go back home without doing anything. This place is dangerous and the people there are worst."

"I know, Joshua."

"Then why are you not reacting like you are supposed to?"

"What do you expect me to do right now? I can't do much. I can't do anything. Look at me, I'm a defenseless puppy," I pointed at my pathetic self, "Believe me, I'm aware that the situation is bad and I'm really angry. My only want is to crush Emile's face against a wall but I know that it won't happen so soon."

Now Joshua looked really annoyed. 

"So basically you are telling me that you won't do anything to fight back," he ended up concluding, looking at me in disbelief. "Once again you will let the person who hurt you win."

"Joshua-"

"Fuck this," he cursed, cutting me off, "I'm going to break Emile's face when I'll see him. No one will stop me this time."

"No, you won't do that," I protested and he huffed, rolling his eyes.

"We'll see soon enough," he told me and he walked out of the bedroom, ignoring me as I called his name. He slammed the door shut behind him and I let out a sigh. God, this whole thing was giving me a headache.

"He's right you know," little Kenny spoke then.

"So you too think that Joshua should beat the shit out of Emile?" I asked him, gently adding pressure to my throat with my fingertips. Hurting, hurting, hurting...

"I'm not really sure anymore," he said slowly with a light shrug, "Last night, well, I'm the one who prevented Joshua from actually killing Emile on the spot. It's not that I wanted to protect him or anything, I'm pretty sure that he deserves every punch in the world, but you know, there must surely be a better way to make him pay for what he did. Violence never brings anything good in life...proof, a lot of blood was spilled because of it and I don't want that to happen again. I don't want blood to be on my hands...never."

He stared down at his bare hands with an intense gaze and I could only think of what he was put through yesterday. I was pretty sure that he got traumatized by this whole situation and I felt sorry and bad to have made him live through that. If only I had been stronger.

"I don't want to face Emile," Kenny admitted quietly. "Mom told me earlier that he was brought to the hospital because of what I did. He got a few stitches at the back of the head. He's alive but she said that - I - I nearly k-killed him. I didn't want to do that. Why don't they believe me? I just wanted to protect you as he was hurting you and I thought that -" He stopped talking and immediately hid his face with his hands as he started to cry quietly. My eyes softened.

"Hey, don't cry," I told him and I tried to get out of bed to hold him in my arms but moving happened to be more difficult than I thought. I decided to just call him to me then. "Come here, Kenny." I patted the free space on the bed beside me. "Come." He didn't move at first but after a few encouragements, he finally got off his chair and sat next to me on the bed. I immediately wrapped my arm round him and carefully brought him closer to my chest, where he rested his little head. He continued to let out a few tears.

"I'm scared," he cried, "I didn't want to hurt him. I just didn't know what else to do! You should have seen the way Maryline and Stella were looking at me earlier. They said that they wanted me back but their eyes were telling me something else. They are not going to treat me nicely if I go back home and I'm sure that Emile will be mad at me when he'll see me. Though, I also don't want to be a source of problem for Joshua and his mom."