What's Wrong? | S.M. & Magcon

Chapter 54

Gilinsky and Johnson will be able to watch Aaron. I just hope they don't get too caught up together to forget about Aaron. That's my only worry.

But our group would have gotten to big if we took Aaron with us. And I think we've got enough on our hands with Shawn.

Not that he's a baggage to us, not at all. I just want to protect him to my best ability. Carter and Taylor are dumbasses but can protect themselves and each other. It just works better in pairs.

We've gone through a few shops, mostly buying new clothes. We even ran into Cameron, Nash and Hayes who seem to have the time of their lives.

We met up with the guys, the only one not yet present is Taylor. He had to use the bathroom. We walked around and ran into Taylor quickly.

Going back to the hotel, we went up to our own rooms. No one knows why. We all just did it without questions.

I went with Shawn. "Do you remember what we talked about this morning?" I ask Shawn.

"How can I forget?" Shawn sighs turning himself towards me.

"I think you should talk about it." I tell him. "Talk about what?" Shawn asks me with a frown on his face.

"You know about what. I think Aaron can help you. He's been through it. He knows. He can help." I tell him. I'm happy that Shawn doesn't put up a fight.

"Fine. I'll talk to him. Just not today. I don't want to talk about it." He explains to me.

"Promise me you'll talk to him when you're ready?" I ask him. Shawn nods in promise.

Shawn's P.O.V.
I know the guys are all having dinner and that Aaron stayed back. Told us that he wasn't feeling very fine after having breakfast this morning. He did ask for them to bring him something up, so he is up for eating. Just not up for going downstairs and having to interact while eating.

I knock on the door, hearing a silent yes from inside.

I open the door to find Aaron seated on the bed with his legs pulled up. Looks like he's doing nothing.

"What yah doing?" I ask him. "Thinking." He confirms my thoughts.

"I know what you're thinking." He tells me. "Do you now?" I ask him, trying to light up the heavy mood. It's not working.

"I'm not telling you. I know what you've been through. It might not exactly have been the same situations, but I think the events, to put it nicely, were equally scarring." Aaron explains.

"Knowing what you have been through makes me sick." He adds.

"Same with me. Knowing what you have been through and hiding it for us for so long. You kept it all hidden. How did you do it?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "Automatic pilot. It's not like anything has changed now that everyone knows. They treat me more delicately. As if I'm more vulnerable then before. They never noticed a thing. Not until I found out about ..." Aaron pauses and looks up at me. "I got sick, getting flashbacks myself. Knowing you have been in a similar situation. I remember how I felt and I didn't want you to feel the same, but that was inevitable. Of course you'd feel the same. Disgusting and hurt."

I sit down on the end of his bed. "Did... Did you hurt yourself to help ease the pain?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "This pain can't be eased. You can't avoid or run from the pain that it all left. You just have to blank it and go on. It's hard, but I learned to do it the hard way." Aaron explains.

I was about to question him further on the matter when Matt entered the room.

He instantly knew we were talking about the thing he wanted me to talk about.

"I..." he started. "I'll come back later." He says.

"You don't have to go." Aaron tells him. He doesn't want to talk. Neither do I. But if what Matt says is true, I don't want to risk anything.

I want to put it behind me. I know it's going to eat at me forever, but I need these images out of my head. I need to stop thinking about it.

"SHAWN!" Aaron yells. "WHAT?" I yell back.

"Dude, you've been out of it for like 10 minutes." Matt laughs, but I can hear how unsure he is about his laugh.

"What happened?" Aaron asks me worriedly. "Thoughts." He nods exactly what I had been thinking about.

"Someday it'll be okay. It can be a month, it can be a year, it can be a couple years, but it'll be fine someday. I can't promise you when. Don't shut yourself out. Please. I'm begging you." Aaron tells me.

I nod, answering him.

I recall his words in my mind. 'It can be a month, it can be a year, it can be a couple years, but it'll be fine someday.' A month? A couple years? When will it stop. I need it to stop now.

"You need what to stop, Shawn?" Matt asks me.

"I said that out loud?" I ask him, turning myself to face him.

"Yeah, you did." What did I do?

"It takes time. We're going to give you that time. We'll be with every step of the way. No matter how hard you're pushing us away. We won't leave you." Matt says.

"Can you promise?" I ask him. "I promise." Matt nods.

"You can't make promises you know you can't keep." Aaron whispers.

"What?" I ask him trying to see if he'll tell again.

"Nothing." Aaron almost jumps, scared that I heard him, which I did, but I'm not gonna tell him.

"How about, we are going to be social and do something?" Matt proposes.

"Not up for it." I tell him. "Neither am I." Aaron lays down and turns away from us.

"Can you close the curtains? I'm tired." Aaron asks.

Matt sighs and obeys to Aaron's request. Much to his annoyance.

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