Hard Time (Hard Time Series Book 1)

Pray

STEF POV

Sometimes I needed a break. A break from everything for no matter how fucking strong I appeared to be and no matter if I ran this fucking prison or not I needed time. Time, space and a place just to think. Even if I felt too much thinking made me weak, made me susceptible to shit that I just couldn't allow to take over my soul or heart but thinking was what I was doing and alot of it.

With the war going on with The Panthers the last few weeks, and Tracey still being in critical condition which I felt responsible for as well, to top it off I had gotten into a full blown fight with my brother over the phone and what he told me turned my world upside down. It did and I had not even told Lena or anyone what happened with my son for I didn't know how. I just didn't but what I did know was I had failed him in so many ways that I didn't even know where to start. Where could I start for me being in here, me exposing him to the abuse that Frankie's father inflicted on me, the fact that he shot him, what could I expect.

FLASHBACK

"What do you mean you will try! Mike it's been months since I've seen my babies and I have not heard from Jude in weeks! What is going on? You better fucking tell me I swear to god for I break out of this fucking prison!"

"Stef calm down. Ok? Please. Look it's been a little tough lately."

"Tough how? What is going on? What's wrong with my babies?"

"I didn't want to tell you this over the phone. I really didn't."

"Tell me what!" I screamed into the phone.

"Stef, Jude tried to hurt himself."

"What? What, what do you mean he tried to hurt himself? What do you mean?"

"He took a bunch of pills and lucky we found him when we did. Listen, Stef he is ok, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but he is still in the hosptial and...."After that I heard nothing, nothing for my heart had stopped. It stopped completely and I was numb.  Numb beyond belief for what, what in the fuck.

"When did this happen Mike!? Why didn't you tell me Jude was having problems! Huh! Why? My baby, he...my fucking god....

"Stef I'm busting my ass with these kids. I am and I love them. I was waiting to talk to you in person about what has been going on with him and Frankie. I was...

"What is wrong with Frankie?"

"Nothing. She just misses her mother. She wants you to be home. Look we put Jude in therapy before this happened and they wanted to put him on medication."

"Medication? And who is we?" I asked hearing silence on the other end as I was two seconds away from breaking out this fucking prison and getting my kids."Mike! What medication and who is we?"

"Me and Judy."

"Who in the fuck is Judy?"

"She's my fiance Stef. Listen, the doctor wanted to put him on an antidepressant but we decided against it." Did he say fiance? What the fuck?

"Oh you and Judy have huh? And since when do you have a fiance and since when does she make decisons about my fucking kids?What the fuck does she know huh? You should have talked to me! You should have told me! An antidepressant? Why in the fuck didn't I know my kid was feeling this way! Huh! Why Mike? How long has this been going on that my baby was not ok?"

"Stef, you didn't have phone rights or visitation rights. I can't talk with you every time I need to make a choice about these kids. I can't. You aren't here everyday and don't know what is going on daily with them. You don't see it. So I had to make a choice and I do everyday with them. Look, I love these kids. I do and you being in there is really fucking hard for them. Really hard and I'm trying everyday with them but I can't run everything buy you all the time. And I can't sit around waiting for you to call or email back. I can't sis and that's the reality of it. Jude needs help and I'm trying to get it for him."