Corrupted

Chapter Eighteen

“You can love someone so much… but you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”

We walk in silence, separated by a few inches. I dig my hands inside my pockets deeper every time I think about grabbing his hand because it’s been a year and I know he told me he loved me, but I’m not ready to just jump back into being in love yet. I don’t even remember how to love, not like he taught me anyway.

He leads me back the way we came, past the same bar. The man and women still stand outside, sucking down another cigarette when we pass. I give them a glance and stare back at my feet.

“Hey, the faggots made up!” the man yells.

Beside me, Derek stops moving with his chest heaving up and down hastily. His jaw is clenched, with his glare burning into the guy. I reach out and grab his arm to hold him back, which literately sends heat waves through my veins.

The guy gives a loud laugh with his eyes droopy and it’s now I realize what he’s smoking probably isn’t a cigarette. I sniff the air closely and realize that no, he’s not smoking tobacco.

“Congrats guys, you are pretty cute,” he continues with a tired smile, which is honestly kind of adorable. “I support you guys all the way; equality movement, man.” He pumps his fist in the air before giving us another droopy grin.

I let out a laugh, covering my mouth to not be so obnoxious about it. I point to the “cigarette” and grin. “You need to lay off of the weed, man,” I tell him.

“Hey, you’re cute,” he slurs.

Derek’s arm snakes around my waist instinctively, dragging me over to his side. He quirks an eyebrow at the guy as if daring him to say something else.

The guy holds up his hands and backs away. “No worries man, he’s all yours. I think I’m straight; I’m not sure.” He looks over into the distance. “Do you see that dragon too?”

“Bye now,” Derek growls, pulling me along.

I laugh nonstop as we walk away, with Derek’s arm still around my waist. I’ve missed his touch—oh how I’ve missed it; the way my skin lights up in flames, but yet chills crawl down my body at the same time. I look up as the streetlight reflects in Derek’s eyes, making the blue melt into an orange.

“I see you’re still protective,” I comment with a sly grin.

He glances at me, trying to hide his own grin. “It’s been a year without you, I didn’t get amnesia.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not even yours anymore.”

His smile falters at my statement and his arm falls from my waist, which I miss as soon as he does it. Why did he stop touching me? He runs a shaky hand through his hair, sighing deeply. “I know… fuck; I know you’re not,” he growls.

I stop walking, peering into his blue eyes that seem to look everywhere but my face. “Derek, what’s wrong?”

He finally meets my gaze and I take a step back at how angry he looks. “Do you realize what I’ve gone through? I realize you went through hell and I know you had to go to therapy and other things; I know this Dylan, but you don’t know what I’ve went through,” he breathes quickly.

I guess I never thought about how he feels about all of this. I assumed he didn’t feel any pain about this, but I guess I was wrong. “Why don’t you tell me, then?”

He looks me over with pursed lips before nodding and slouching onto the sidewalk, leaning his back against a brick building. I slide down and sit next to him, with my knees pulled up to my chest. “I have nightmares,” he begins. “Terrible nightmares and I don’t sleep much as it is. I’ve been so lonely… I didn’t talk to anyone for a whole ten months. I finally got the courage to confront Adam in February and I stayed with him and Gemma for about a week before they kicked my ass to the curb, demanding I speak to you.” He gives a crooked grin, but it fades quickly.