𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒 ❦ The Hunger Games

six

I nodded wordlessly as I swallowed the lump I had in my throat. Finnick took two steps back before he raised his eyebrows again and gently ran his tongue on his lower lip to wet it.

"I was really hoping that the next time we got to see each other wouldn't be a fight to the death, but I can still enjoy the view," Finnick smirked, something in his eyes disagreeing with the words that had come spurting from his mouth. "Give them hell Sparky."

He seemed more tanned up close; there was something distinctly different about him when I was close enough to see into his eyes. That was his secret- his eyes held seas within them that couldn't hide the overlapping emotions that created foam on top of the water.

Nothing could take that away, not even when I realised the ocean that remained was yet another figment of my imagination. One that barely left when another hand caught my shoulder and gently guided me all the way back to what I thought resembled everything that had been treasured in District 5.

Carmella had joined Evelyn beside our spotted grey horses, and together they had been watching me. I could tell by the light amusement that they channelled directly at the District in front of us, and the gentle way they helped me up- just incase my fall wouldn't be just physical but also into yet another dream. I had forgotten how close they used to be.

"No smiles," Alec slurred as he joined me. We were so close to each other that his shoulder kept bumping into mine as the wheels turned to face the exit, and our faces were close enough to see the blurred blemishes on our spotless faces. I could also see where his messy stubble used to be, and the dark circles that had forever carved themselves under his deeply brown eyes.

"The Capitol wants to see the 'real you' now that you can't pretend to be weak. They want you to be fierce; you cannot break that until that door closes and you are left on your own. Even the Victo- tributes will be watching you." Evelyn explained.

"Lorna, sweetie, you can't be yourself here anymore. The rumours are killing you- there can't be anymore slip ups if you want a chance- you have to ignore it all."

I almost frowned at the older woman, who had told me the exact same thing that Finnick was just telling me before. It made me wonder how obvious my dreams had been; how badly I had been caught. Alec was tall beside me; I had to make up some of the height by arching my back and standing on my toes.

"I'm not fierce. I don't know how to be fierce Eve, look at me. I can play weak- that's easy- you can't expect me to be able to scare these people. They're murderers." I muttered as the final call for tributes rung in the hall. I still hadn't brought my voice above a mutter, I didn't think I could anymore.

Alec flexed his fingers into fists beside me and set his jaw, and then he hit my covered arm to stop me from talking more.

"You're a murderer too Lorna, just focus on the things you hate and it'll do the job; your reputation proceeds you here."

That I hated. There was only one thing that I truly despised, and it was the most obvious part of the world I had tumbled into.

➳➳

With the light that hardly managed to squeeze it's way through the windows, another morning dawned.

Only instead of it feeling like the day after the parade, it reminded me of the first morning that I had woken up in the Capitol- one that was filled with more chatter and blissful ignorance than I could of ever been comfortable with. That, and the thick intimidation that each other tribute sprayed all over themselves before the first training session; they each tried their hardest to make up an image, one that Remy and I hadn't even considered properly yet. Not until the day drowned in the hues of darkness and our first dinner had been cleared away.

I had gone into his room that night to sleep, which seemed to confuse our escort.

What she didn't understand, nor anyone else, was that Remy and I had been sharing a room with each other as well as a bed since I was born. I hadn't ever had an entire bed to myself- one bed had to be enough for all three of us to slot into only two days ago, which meant that my sleeping position was already manipulated to fit my big brother beside me and I had already gotten used to the heat that came with it. I missed it without him, somehow I couldn't sleep without having at least one other Titan beside me.

That day, he had confessed that he didn't feel right on his own either.

Another thing he had confessed was that we had grossly overestimated the manipulation we would face on day one. We might as well have been the bricks that held up the training centre in a room full of tributes, it seemed like District Five was hardly important enough to glance at in a such a dangerous situation. They had written us off before we got a chance, which meant that nobody was watching as we subtly learnt everything there was to know in one day.

I had been craving new books to read since my last had to be sold- in a funny way my starvation of knowledge allowed me to learn the Hunger Games that much quicker. I had learned their tricks, and the glances that we were being sent.

"They don't even look at us." My brother had muttered into the darkness that night as he shuffled the overly quilted bed sheets.

I could still feel his breath on my neck beneath the natural heating. With a small roll of my head, the same clicking sound managed to release the stress that I'd absorbed during a short and chaotic sleep. Before, it was in preparation of a heavy sleep that nobody could really wake me up from.

I also remembered how long I had left for the thoughts to fester in the air. I had waited so long that rust had formed on the shine on each letter, and the iron that I imagined all of Remy's thoughts were made of had oxidized into green. Back then I took care in whatever I said to him, because I still had some kind of purity inside of me. I had a silver lining of innocence that hadn't rusted like Remy's words.

"Maybe they'll leave us alone." I whispered, almost re-enacting what I had done the first time. Back then I said it with so much hope, as if there was finally a slither of a chance that we could be saved.

"Or maybe they have already planned how to kill us."

As the blinds in my room crawled up the glass, and the machine released the same wheezing sound that the neighbouring generator had, I used my feet to retrace the steps I had taken over to him.

Half of me cursed each step, because just a week before I had convinced myself that I could live without looking backwards- but I guess I was wrong. It tied me to a version of myself that was desperate to live- who was unaware yet of what something as toxic as killing would do. I had always been unstable it seemed; as I looked back at how calm I had been when I reassured Remy that we would kill them first, I saw the lunacy within me. I had been a different type back then.

"How do we do that? Lorna, we don't know anything." He had replied rather quickly.

And that, the second night in the Capitol with my brother beside me, was when we came up with a plan that should of been utter genius. That was when I decided to push my brother into a fight that we could not win- that was before I took a life and never had a chance to spear another again.

This morning, I had the chance to do it all over again with somebody else. This time it would all be different- and yet each extra path lead me back to a mirror image of how it had been before.

••••••••••••
1984 words.

I've been without signal
for three days so lets all
be grateful I'm back in
time to upload, THANK
YOU GOD.