twenty-one

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CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE!
021. the cruellest trick

|| OCEAN EYES ||❝ you really know how to make me cry, when you give methose ocean eyes

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|| OCEAN EYES ||
❝ you really know
how to make me cry,
when you give me
those ocean eyes.❞

➳➳

I REALISED TWO important things as I walked continuiously through the jungle.

It could of been more, I had enough time to create an entire new world if I hadn't focused so much on the two revelations; there was so many steps that I could of used to count anything to do with my survival, perhaps even to track the very things I was searching aimlessly for, and yet I didn't.

I really didn't feel like it- not when the two things that sprung to mind were so prevalent.

The first, conceivably less important, was that no matter how much I disliked the little group of people that I had been stuck to, it was entirely better than being alone. Being alone was the most chaotic feeling I had ever had- in the two occasions I had been in the Hunger Games I had never had to really feel the fear that struck every muscle I had when I heard a noise alone. It was almost paralyzing- so exhausting that I took breaks simply to try and stop the worry that would of taken over and left me almost disarmed. I trusted my skills, that wasn't the problem- the problem was how far I would go if I was given the chance.

I didn't get the luxury of rest or the possibility of sleep; there was no way that I could let myself drift into a calming tranquility when everything could kill me. There was nobody else I could run in front of, and not a soul that could slash away the mobs if they became too much, which meant that even my exhaustion was tired.

The second of the two was simpler than the first; I was wrong to ask for a little bit of peace.

I was convinced that the silence would be more comforting than a constant rustling and yet, when I realised that the entire jungle had become silent, it was worse. Now I felt like everything was just too quite to be good; instead of fear I felt like every move was powered by discomfort.

And with discomfort, thousands of comments that left me anxious or guilty piled on top of the physical fears.

My comments didn't look great on me, one person in particular- and what he had said back to me- made me want to never find the allies I had made. He said that I had missed something that he despiratly tried to tell me; with each passing discomfort I realised how many somethings he could of been referring to as he disowned my friendship.

There was one that stood out- one thing that Evelyn had told me moments before I even left to get on the plane.

In the silence I heard her as she stressed certain words in her final goodbye- mainly those that reminded me just how close we had become. I couldn't skip over the many times she called me a daughter, or the advice she had given to me about just how to end it all so Lilllian would be the least upset, but she told me something else. Something in passing that I didn't even let myself think about- something that she seemed to want more than anything.

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