WHAT REALLY MATTERS - LARRY STYLINSON FANFICTION

The Letter

Harry manages to find the bus stop on his own where he takes the bus back to the dorm. There aren't many people in the streets because it's early in the morning. Harry sits down behind the bus driver to not encounter people at all. The entire time he's shaking and trying not to cry for real although he feels like it but he doesn't want to expose himself like that in front of strangers. That's why he keeps his eyes down during the whole ride.

When gets off the vehicle at the campus bus stop, he walks back to his building very quickly. The campus is nearly empty so thankfully he doesn't meet anyone he knows. His classes will start in about three hours so there's still plenty of time for him to get ready. In his room, Harry grabs his diary. He should rather take a shower or eat something but he feels like he has to put his thoughts onto paper first. He has barely used the diary during the last days although so many things had happened. Harry needs to distract himself from the negative, tugging feeling in his heart. That's why he sits down on his bed, pulls the blanket over his thighs and starts writing about how he accompanied Louis to the tattoo studio, his thoughs about Dawn and the brunette girl, he writes about Louis' room and the club, what he experienced in the bathroom, how he felt when he got into bed next to Louis, how scared he was when Chad appeared in the room in the morning, that Louis didn't defend him when he needed it. He uses the left page to write his entry and on the right one, he expresses himself by drawing a very dark, messy drawing. It stands for all the negativity Harry experienced yesterday, what he felt when Chad yelled at Louis, how the ugly man looked at Harry, how he bent over to touch him and how terrible Louis is in general. His honest thoughts make Harry cry out of disappointment to the point where he's dripping tears onto the pages. Harry usually isn't the type of guy who would cry often but this situation and his feelings are overwhelming. Everything is new around him, his friends, his studies, his surroundings and everything concerning Louis. What hurts the most is that Harry thought he and Louis had finally bonded but it feels like nothing like that has ever happened.

As he's drawing, a knock sounds on his door but Harry doesn't answer it, hoping the person will walk away. He's not in the mood for people, he's not in the mood for talking. The knock gets louder and as Harry still doesn't answer, the door is being opened and Niall just barges into the room.

"Harry!" he yells out. "Get your hand out of your pants and let's go get food!" he smiles. He's always in such a good mood but his face falls when he sees Harry on the bed, red-faced, teary, looking up at him. "What the hell happened? Are you okay?" Niall says as he sits down next to Harry on the bed.

Harry doesn't answer because he's too emotional. His lip trembles for a moment and then he starts to sob again. He collapses into Niall, who awkwardly hugs him. The blonde guy stays quiet and pats Harry's back very stiffly. Eventually, Niall tries to pull away and it makes Harry more upset, but he lets him go. Niall pats him one last time. "I'm gonna go get food now, I'll be back in a bit. You know where to find me, if you need me." Then he gets up again and leaves, making sure to lock the door behind him.

Harry watches the door closing and when it's quiet again, he keeps staring. Why is nobody here who would just hug him, hold him close? He'd need someone so bad, he'd need someone who caressed his back, someone who'd cuddle him or maybe kiss him better. Gemma would do that every time he needed it, his best friend Jonny would do that but here? He's on his own in Manchester, completely. Harry wipes away a tear and leans his head back against the wall, inhaling deeply then gets back to drawing. When he has finished, he decides he's going to write Louis a letter. He needs to tell him how he feels. Harry can't deal with this whole situation anymore and if that tears them apart, he wouldn't mind. He needs him to know, he needs to feel relieved. The weirdest thing is that he wished Louis would hold him close although he's constantly being mean to him. Harry doesn't know why he feels this way but he does and there's no logical explanation to it.