The Unextraordinary Life of Alexandra Jane (Editing)

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Extraordinary

I stand up and avoid her eyes, focusing on the ground.

"I just wanted to give you this before I leave to Miami tomorrow. I was putting Harry's-" 

I hear her breathing hitch at the mention of his name

A white envelope appears in her hands 

"I found it under a journal that was in his desk when we were packing up his things, it had your name on it so I didn't open it" 

 She hands me the letter and I carefully take it in my hands, as if it could break if I hold it wrong.

Anne brings me in for a tight embrace. Her hair smells like daises and in her arms I want to cry more, but my body is drained tired and bored of the fact that I've cried every minute of everyday for the past week.  my body has just given up on me, leaving me lifeless.

I continue to walk and talk but in reality I'm dead. Only Harry is the good kind of dead, he's is somewhere away from this cruel world, where nothing good ever happens. 

I'm only dead inside. I still have to act and pretend like I'm okay when I'm not. 

I'm a walking corpse

I let a tear fall on her coat and then she pulls away, pecking my forehead before walking away. 

I walk over to Harry's casket and place my rose on top of the pile of red roses. 

"You gave me your rose, and now I'm giving you yours, thank you Harry" Tears begin to stream down my face as I place a soft kiss on the casket

I step back and begin to walk north, leaving Harry, only this time it's for good

I slip in my car and begin to drive north, after about 20 minutes I park on the curb and slip out. 

I walk towards the big silver bean, passing numerous families and couples playing sports or walking with their dogs. 

I make it to the bench nearest the bean and look at my reflection. 

My eye lids are swollen and my cheekbones are tinted pink. My hair is pushed brushed down so it barely reaches my shoulders. I pull my coat so it shields my chest from the cold air. 

I take in a deep breath and look down at the envelope in my lap. It's bent and torn at a corner so I know it's somewhat old, my name neatly printed on the front in black ink. I wonder what he wrote? I wonder when or what he wrote? 

My fear and curiosity internally battle in my head.

I blink my tears away and ultimately my curiosity wins. 

I cautiously peel the top slip off the envelope carefully opening it. 

I don't know what I expected to find but am surprised when I see multiple slips of lines paper inside

I take out and unfold them and notice it's a letter.

More tears spill out as the image of Harry writing me a letter appears in my mind

I look up at the gray clouds in the sky and let out a deep breath. 

I wipe the tears from my cheeks and ignore the knot forming in my throat as I begin to read the letter

 

Dear Alexandra Jane 

     Do you remember how we met? We met at the park one day, you wore a horrid dress with blue hearts, while attempting to get across the monkey bars, you fell and scraped your knee and at the time you were much bigger than I was so I couldn’t catch you nor, pick you up with my tooth pick arms but I remember I hated to see you down, so I took out my favorite ninja turtle band aid and gave it to you. That day I noticed how beautiful you were and how stupid it was for me to think that girls were beautiful, but I didn’t care. I knew that something about you was different and I wanted to find out. If you’re reading this, it’s because of the same reason we aren’t together at the moment, something is keeping me from you. For some reason something has ripped me away from you, and so i’m writing this letter to you, from either a far off place where I’m forced to live a life away from you or in a world where love and pain and cruelty don’t exist. Either way I know I’m away from you if I’ve given or delivered you this letter. But I can’t live in peace knowing you don’t know my true feelings.