Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Caught In Emotions

Of course, it was naïve of me to think this would be a good evening. Of course, it was obvious that Renji wasn't going to spend time with me. Of course, it was stupid to think I'd be the center of Renji's attention for once. Of course, the second Itori was in sight he was gone with the wind. Of course, he just let me wait at our table for hours and hours, occasionally glancing over at me to check if I was still around. Of course, this whole night was a waste of time. Of course, I felt shit and just wanted to go to our room and cry because I quite frankly didn't even matter to him at my best.

Everything could've been so amazing. We could've shared some close dances, little cute kisses - anything to strengthen our bond that was constantly tensed. We could've shared laughs while eating a variety of flesh. Hell, we could've shared some amazing wine together - although, I'd prefer he wouldn't drink. As long as I'd be with him, it'd be okay, I guess. We could've taken photos at the photo booth some ghouls stole specifically for this wedding. We could've had a really great time.

But no.

Within the first two hours of having a decent time, he was out and about talking to Itori. At first, I believed he really only wanted to check on them.. But when he didn't return for 30 minutes, it became obvious that he wasn't just checking on them. Sooner or later, he came into my sight. He held Tetsuo, gently rocked him from one side to the other while he spoke to Itori and someone else. Again, I was just the stupid side chick.. At least that's what it felt like. And I dressed up only to be left alone, rotting away at our table. To say I was upset would be an underestimation - by far. I was boiling and ready to yell at him the second he'd move his ass back here. All my glaring didn't even bother him, he didn't even give me that apologetic look - nothing. He just stood there, sometimes glancing over at me, most times just watching Itori and whoever that other person was. Little did I know that he wouldn't come back over to our table.

On the bright side, my dress was goddamned beautiful, giving me more courage than ever. Guys constantly chatted me up which was.. A little strange at first. They were all surprisingly nice, yet I experienced a wave of anxiety crashing over me. While I could handle being around people by now, I certainly didn't like strangers sitting down at my table and hitting me up. As nice as they were trying to be, it creeped me out. In these moments I was hoping Renji would come over and just inform them that we were dating - not because I couldn't handle this myself.. But because I wanted him to be there for me, too. He swore to protect me, yet he left me in the dirt once again.

All these social interactions and being torn between anxiety and anger soon made this evening almost unbearable. At first, for the sake of being in a relationship and because I couldn't take stranger's hands on me, I declined every guy asking to dance with me. It was nice when girls sat with me. Even Touka came over for a while but.. As always, her pregnancy made me feel jealous. All slow songs were just making me sad. Renji didn't seem to care about dancing with me. It was probably just another stupid dream of mine to do so; slow dancing while we stare into each other's eyes, perhaps even step on each other's toes as we're both pretty inexperienced, giggling while sharing little pecks up to the finale when we'd actually kiss. It sounded adorable in my head and it.. It would've made my night.

Watching all these lovey-dovey couples made me sick. My envy frustrated me more and more. They laughed, kissed, hugged, caressed each other, looked out for one another - this was what Renji and I were supposed to be like.

Honestly, if it wouldn't have been for the dinner, that I ate on my own, and the amazing wine I chugged down, I would've just left. But the more I drank, the lighter my mood got and eventually, I found myself getting tipsy. Sure, it wasn't the right thing to do but.. It seemed like the only option on things left to do. In the end, it even eased my fear to the point I was happily dancing with strangers.