Traitor (Renji Yomo x Reader) [Continued in a second book!]

Goodbye

Renji completely slumped down onto the ground, now sitting on his knees, one of his hands still holding the cross tightly while his other hand formed a tight fist.

"Shit" he cursed to himself quietly.

I was in shock, not moving an inch while I stared at him with furrowed brows. Seeing him like this was rare, his emotional side was something he usually still tried to hide and that I hadn't seen ever since we first met again back when I was still pregnant. He was trying hard to keep himself together, to stop himself from crying and showing any more feelings, but his entire body was already shaking with emotion. Tears dropped to the ground and onto his pants, leaving visible wet stains. The sight of him, so vulnerable, broke my heart. So bad I wanted to reach out to him and hug him tightly.. but I didn't think I was allowed to.

"I was looking forward to-" he began sharing, sobbing in between words, ".. To raising her with you.."

At that, my eyes widened in shock and my body tensed up, stopping all my action to pay full attention to him. Not once did I waste a thought about how he felt towards her death and that hit me right then and there.

I completely neglected his feelings towards her.. I ignored it..

"I.. Wanted to be a..- I wanted to be her.. F-father" he explained, his voice shaking and interrupted by sobs every now and then.

No words left my mouth, I was speechless. His confession send tears right into my eyes that I quickly tried to blink away. But they also reminded me of what he had told me before, while I was pregnant; he wanted to be the first one experiencing a pregnancy with me and made it clear that he wanted a family with me.

"I.. Thought of her as my daughter"

That was all it took for a tear to slide down cheek.

He only spent such a short time with her and me.. Yet thought of her as his own daughter.. because he wanted to have a family with me..

"Renji.. I-.. I didn't.. -" I stuttered, searching for an excuse for my behavior, fearing he'd yell at me again for being selfish.

"I wanted to.. Act as her fa-father.. Wanted her to t-think of me as her f-father. But.. Now she's gone" he sobbed quietly, his lips quivering heavily.

The pain in his voice made my heart ache more and more. This was my fault as well.. And I knew that.

"Y-you know.. I.. I wanted to protect her with you.. And to hold her, cuddle her,.. see her smile at.. Us. And I also planned to visit the zoo with her.. And how I'd teach her how to handle her p-powers.. But now she's just gone. It's not going to happen.. Not anytime soon" he added as he opened his fist and wiped some tears away.

Imagining such a casual but happy-sounding life with her and for us poured salt into the wound I was desperately trying to fix over the last couple of weeks. The pain of losing her crept back into my heart, making it ache badly.

"All this time.. While you were gone and at Coachlea, I hoped you'd both be okay. L-little did I know, that she was already.. D-dead and g-gone" he whispered.