Love Vigilantes (Frerard) •AU•

You Win.

I started on this app because I truly had a passion for writing on the platform, and I enjoyed interacting with the people on it. I will never truly understand why people seemed to enjoy my stories, and I was overwhelmed by the initial love and support from everybody. I guess that I can say that writing on here, and being appreciated was something that helped to bring me out of the depression that had essentially caused me to seek medical attention, and address – even if I didn't want to talk about why I was down. I managed to get out of that depression, and I had never been proud of myself.

Until, 2017 occurred. It was the most stressful year of my life, and I can safely say that many more are going to occur. I had to turn my back on the music and the fandoms that I had turned to in my depression two years before, as listening to music like that – that talked about depression, and self-harm, etc – it just got overwhelming again, and definitely took a toll on my final exams. The people in the fandoms that I was a part of, I was no longer able to relate to. I was changing – and I can safely say for the best!

I know that some of you will find it difficult to understand, that somebody can ditch music that you believe to be 'so special to you', well, you just need to try.

I'm seventeen years old, and I have two very quick years ahead of me. I'm going to be eighteen in September, I'll be looking at universities this summer, and I'll be going to whichever one I pick next year! I'm almost an adult, and yet, I'm finding myself at war with young girls and boys that don't understand perhaps why say the things I say, or am particularly rude for no apparent reason.

The reason why I don't want you commenting My Chem lyrics in my comments sections, or other bands in that particular genre, is because its triggering to me! I, for one, do not want to have to go back to a time where I couldn't go to bed, I when I had to go to A&E (the emergency room, for all of you American folks) for excruciating back pain that I thought I had from going to a concert – there was nothing wrong with me. I was so ill, that teachers had started to notice, and reflecting back on this – I'm genuinely tearing up.

I cannot keep arguing with people that simply don't understand, and people that are too rude to just take the hint. I'm in a very, very difficult place at the moment, as there's a death anniversary coming up and I know that it's going to cripple me.

I do not need this, and I'm struggling to weigh up the pros against the cons for keeping the Frerard stories up. Of course, this doesn't apply to every single one of you, but there's a select few that really think it's hilarious to wind me up.

Mental illness is not a joke, and if you have one and aren't seeking medical attention, you need to sit long and hard and think about the long-term. It affects you, it affects friends and family, and it affects random people on the internet that you have never met, and perhaps have been rude unintentionally. It's not okay to project your illness onto others; I know this, as the many days I spent collapsing on the floor in tears during 2014-2015 over things of little to no significance tell the tale. I still struggle mentally, as I have recently developed a lot of paranoia (I think that people are following me, or that people are shouting for me in my home and there's nobody there.)

Fighting with people on this goddamn app doesn't help this, as my anxiety levels are through the roof.

I know that hardly any of you are going to read this, but I felt that it was fair to tell you all that this is it. It's with a heavy heart that I've decided to take a hiatus from this app. It's getting too much for me, and I can't take it anymore. I can't take fighting and arguing with people over something that affects me in the comments sections of my own stories! Have a little respect for the authors of the stories that you read and perhaps love. Please. For the love of God, some of us have sacrificed a lot for those stories. Sleep. Grades. Food. Time with friends. I know that I have, and I deeply regret wasting my time writing these fucking things.

I'd like to thank @DarthDeathSticks for being such a cherub, and for sticking up for me when I'm ambushed for telling people to stop commenting. I'm beyond politeness at this point, and now you all understand.

By the end of this month-long hiatus, I'll have made a big decision; whether or not to keep those stories up. Once the decision's been made, then no amount of pleading will change my mind. Enjoy them whilst you can, and I'm sorry that the behaviours of others may jeopardize the existence of the stories you love.

Kind Regards,

Etive.

(This will be on all of the Frerard stories. Just so that you know why there's so many notifications.)