Broken || Dan and Phil

Getting better

Phils POV

Yesterday was absolutely without a doubt one of the best days I have ever had. Seeing everyone, Stacy, Chris, Joey, Shane, Alex, August, their mum and Dan, seeing them all here to greet me home made all of that fear and anxiety I was feeling be replaced with so much love and support. I returned home to everyone who cares about me and I spent the whole night with someone who I thought was done with me. I wasn't alone like I thought I was. I didn't lose everyone like I thought I did. I cried from happiness instead of from sadness. I actually returned home happy. I'll always remember this day.

Right now I am saying goodbye to Dan. Not goodbye forever, just for a little while. I have asked him to do something for me, something that I really don't want to do but at the same time needs to be done in order for us to continue our relationship. Although I am the one asking for Dan to do this, my heart is pounding with each step as we make our way down to the front door.

"Phil?" Dan gets my attention once we reach the bottom. There are thoughts in my mind that are making me start to rethink my decision, but this is something I need to do in order for Dan and I to truly see if we want to be together. I blink once I see Dan in my peripheral vision and turn to face him. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks as he stands in front of me. I think about it again, and again, and again, and one more time just to make sure this is what I truly want to do and it's not my mind messing with me to make my life miserable again.

This will be good for you and Dan. This won't be the end. Not every decision you make is bad Phil

I allow myself to take a moment to breathe to clear my mind so everything I say comes out the truth.

"Yes I am sure." I finally respond, feeling a little guilty as Dan sighs and looks away from me. He crosses his arms around his stomach, hugging himself a little as he bites his lip. I bite mine too thinking about how he is going to tell me he is tired of me and doesn't want to do this, which I am fearing. "How do you feel about it?" I then ask, which makes him look back up at me. He sighs again and shrugs his shoulders.

"I don't know. It just kind of sucks." He says. I swallow hearing the hurt in his voice.

"This isn't me breaking up with you Dan." I say just in case he is thinking otherwise. I am not doing this to hurt him, I am doing this to help us.

"Then why do you want us to spend some time apart when you have been away for so long and we have just gotten back together?" He questions what I am making him do. I have asked us to spend some time apart as I think we need to in order for our relationship to stay strong and hopefully repair itself.

"I just need some time to settle back at home. I need to get used to being back here and think about myself and what I really want before going straight back into this." I say. Dan stares at me as he tries to register the meaning of why I want us to not see each other for a little while. It's not that I don't want to see him, I just need some time to get back into the routine of being home and see how I feel about everything, including how I feel about Dan.

"What about last night, what we did?" He then asks. Immediate butterflies swirl inside of my stomach thinking about what happened last night between Dan and I. We had an amazing time together, and it led to something that I never thought I would ever have the courage to do based from all of my insecurities as well as never believing that anyone would love me that much. Last night with Dan, I didn't feel insecure at all. I didn't worry about the texture of my skin from all of the bruises that has battered it. I didn't worry about all of the faded scars that still run up my arms. I didn't worry about if Dan loved me or not, because I know he does.

I felt so safe with you Dan. Safer than I have ever felt. I've never felt closer to you than I did when I was with you last night

"Phil?"