Broken || Dan and Phil

Bully to a brother?

•Phil's POV•

For the past couple days all I've been doing is lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, and all that is going through my mind is Dan. I can't get what happened out of my head. It's all my fault we got into a fight. I should have told Dan right away about Shane and I, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten so upset at me and left. I can't believe how heated things got between us. Never has Dan yelled at me like that and it really scared me. I thought he was going to hit me if I'm being honest. I don't know if when Dan left that meant we are broken up, but I'm really hoping that isn't true. I don't want to lose the first person to have ever cared for me and saved me in more ways then one. He showed me that my life can get better and that I'm not alone. Now I feel like I have lost him and its giving me this empty feeling. I hate when I'm alone. When I'm alone, I think. When I think, I remember. When I remember, I feel pain. When I feel pain, I cry. When I cry, I can't stop no matter how hard I try. It really hurts.

I bring my legs to my chest and wrap my arms around myself as my stomach hurts from everything. This aching pain won't leave and it keeps reminding me how I screwed things up with Dan. I should have done more to prevent this from happening. I don't want this to be the end though. I have to call him. I have to know if we are actually broken up so then I can finally get the answer to the question that's been haunting me, even though I'm terrified to find out. I roll over onto my side. Immediately closing my eyes as it feels like the room is tipping and I'm going with it. My head pounds as I blindly reach over and pat my bed for my phone. When I finally find it I open my eyes and dial Dans number. I lay my phone against my ear and wait for it to ring. Each ring making my heart skip a beat. It rings for the fourth time and I'm sent to voicemail. I sigh as I let my phone drop from my ear and onto my bed, feeling my heart drop with it. I had a feeling he wouldn't answer, but it still hurts. I shouldn't even try. Dan probably wouldn't even want to hear my apology. He probably is glad I'm gone. Now he doesn't have to waste his time on a worthless life like me... I shouldn't think that way about myself. I should talk to my dad before my mind thinks worse things and I try to attempt something I tried to do a few days ago but got stopped by Dan, and this time Dan wont be here to stop me.

I slowly push myself up. My entire vision turning blurry as my head pounds. I throw my covers off of me and sit on the edge of my bed. I take a second as if I were to stand up I would fall over from dizziness. I don't even know what is causing me to feel this sick, from crying so hard or the lack of care I've been giving to myself. I let out a deep breath before finally pushing myself and standing up. I slowly stumble over to my door and open it. Feeling this rush of cold air hit me as I've been cooped up in my room for these past days. I quietly close the door behind me and turn to head towards the stairs when I bump straight into Shane.

"Aww look. The little lion finally left his den." Shane says in this baby voice he always does. It's funny because he doesn't even know I like lions. "Actually, you are more like a wounded deer." He corrects. I sigh as he isn't wrong. "Did little Philly finally realize that Dan is never going to love him again and finally has left his room from how pathetic he's being?"

"Knock it off Shane." I say. My confidence somewhat high even though I feel weak. I'm just really not in the mood for him right now, or ever really.

"I don't even know why you try with Dan. Its so obvious that he doesn't want to put up with a lowlife like you. I don't even know who would want to waste their time with you." Shane says. I look down at the ground as I felt my heart starting to hurt again, he's not wrong though.

"Then why do you constantly spend your time tormenting me?" I ask. Shane smiles slightly as he leans closer to me. I hold my breath as his face is right against mine.