Broken || Dan and Phil

Back to old self?

•Shane's POV•

Taunting others, pushing them around, getting a group of people to corner and beat them till they could no longer walk. This isn't who I am. This isn't someone I wanted to be. I never wanted to be that kind of person who found entertainment in taking the ones who appeared weak and attempted to push them down a hole they were already falling into. Whether by making small side comments or full on cornering and beating them, I have hurt so many people and all because I was afraid. The actions of when people used to pick on me for being overweight sealed into me with anger. That anger was released when I lost that weight and changed to avoid anyone picking on me every again. I changed so others would fear me and I never allowed anyone to stand up to me, otherwise I'd make them pay for it. Now, I regret all of it because not only did I lose myself but I lost everyone important to me. Besides Phil, the one person I regret hurting the most is Joey. He was my best friend. We were so close to the point where we considered each other like brothers who were always there for the other. He has seen me at my worst in both ways and has helped me when I needed him. I threw all of that away by changing into someone we promised we would never become and now we both hate me.

I'm different now though, and that's why I'm on my way to his house to apologize for everything and show him the old Shane is back. Every part of me begins shaking as I reach Joey's home. I haven't been here in so long, which is a shame because Joeys house became a second home to me after my dad left my mom and I. The amount of times I spent here because I couldn't bare to be at home is countless. He was always willing to protect me.

My chest expands as I slowly take in a deep breath to help calm my shaking. Once I exhale I walk up to his front door. I raise my hand to knock but feel restricted on doing so. I haven't spoken to him since that day I accidentally knocked Phil out and he stopped me from punching Dan. That was the first time he ever stood up to me, and having him do that is what caused me to start thinking about what I've done. He hit a spark in me that needed to be lit, and having PJ leave me inflamed that spark into a fire, burning the person I no longer want to be. My hand trembles as I bring it back up and force myself to knock. I place my hands into my pockets and wait for anyone to answer. I take another deep breath, it getting caught in my throat as the door handle turns. The door swings open and I'm hit with warmth from his house, along with Joey.

"Shane?" Joey questions as I stand in front of him. The shock on his face filled with both disgust and horror, making a nervous sweat begin to build up.

"Umm yeah. Hey." I greet. He looks behind him, then back at me. His eyes narrow, darkening the color.

"What are you doing here?" He asks. I try to make my mouth comprehend with the words that are in my mind but just end up with an empty silence. Joey chuckles and shakes his head. "If you don't have anything to say then I'll be going." He says as he pushes the door to close it.

"Wait!" I quickly stop him. He pauses with the door a quarter open. I stare in his eyes, pleading for him to not shut the door on me.  He sighs and reopens the door.

"What is it Shane?" He asks. This uncomfortable feeling forms between the both of us as I struggle to speak. He rolls his eyes and let's out an annoyed breath, causing goosebumps to crawl up my arms.

"I... I'm... See it's just... I'm..." I mumble, not being able to form a sentence.

"Shane just spit it out." Joey forces. I flinch to the anger lingering in his tone. Hes a lot more confident now, which is really nice to see but guilts me for making him feel so scared of me before. Now I'm the one scared and isn't able to speak.