The Barricade Girl (A Les Miserables FanFiction)

Chapter Seventy

Maggie swears not to tell a single soul – not even Courfeyrac. I'm not ready to tell. Not just yet. We conduct ourselves in utmost secrecy. Cosette is here almost every day to see Marius and to plan their wedding. I keep myself to myself, helping them when needed, but much preferring to stay away from the wedding planning – it hurts too much. Over the weeks, my stomach swells as the life inside me grows, which in turn, starts a new hope growing inside of me. I imagine what this little life will look like in person. Who will they look more like? Will they have their Father's eyes? His determination? My stubbornness? Will I struggle to raise them alone? Will they know how much their Father would have loved them? I make it my mission to keep Enjolras' memory alive – to make sure that our child knows who their Father was. I try to carry on as normal, and try to hide the small bump that is starting to form underneath baggier clothes. Maggie helps me cover it up, adjusting my clothes so we can hide it better. I think I'm getting away with it. We continue this charade for over a month. And then Courfeyrac notices. And he is anything but subtle about it. He gasps, and I fly toward him, slapping my hand over his mouth, begging with him to be quiet. I take him out of the house, to the deepest part of the house grounds, and confess my secret.

"I knew it!" He whispers as I drag him down the path.

"No-one can know, Courfeyrac!" I warn him, pleading with him to keep my secret. He nods, and I breathe a little sigh of relief.

"How?" He starts talking again.

"I'm not explaining how babies are made to you, Courf", I try to joke.

"I mean...when?" He tries again.

"The night the barricade fell", I reply quickly and solemnly. Tears prick my eyes at the memory of that night. I've been holding it in for weeks, trying to move on and put it out of my mind for Gavroche's sake. Courfeyrac doesn't know what to say, and so he just pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close as if he can pass some of his own inner strength on to me through this close and intimate physical contact. I swear him to secrecy, he agrees, performing the little handshake we used to do as kids whenever one shared a secret with another, and we return to the house as quietly as we can. We walk back into the house to be greeted by Marius comforting a quivering Cosette.

"Where's he gone without a word? That wouldn't be his way to go", I hear Cosette ask Marius as she clings to him. Marius catches my eye. I feel a pang of guilt in my heart – I know the truth, and I can't tell her. And for selfish reasons, sadness also fills my heart at not knowing where Monsieur Valjean has gone – he has been such a heaven-sent help to me, a comfort to me, and a strange sense of protection to me. And in these months when I sense I could do with his wisdom most – he isn't here.

"What?" Courfeyrac whispers to me, resting a hand on my arm, shock in his voice.

"Valjean is gone..." I whisper, keeping my eyes locked on Marius, mentally urging him to not falter now.

"Why so sudden? Why so strange? And did he say how long he'll be gone?" Cosette continues. Marius looks at me again, looking unsure about whether to tell her the truth or not. Through our quick glance, we have a telepathic conversation – no matter how badly we feel about lying to her, we owe our lives to Monsieur Valjean. The least we can do is to respect his wishes. Marius turns back to face his beloved Cosette, taking a deep breath, making his decision.

"All he asked for me to say is he's on a journey far away", Marius responds.

"He can't leave us now", a tear starts to fall down Cosette's cheek. "How he breaks my heart". Not missing a beat, Marius wipes away her tear before it has a chance to leave her face.

"And we will never be apart", he kisses her. The sight of my brother kissing anybody should be enough to make me sick. But not today. Not now. Not after all I've been through. A year ago, I would have been making vomiting noises loudly in the corner of the room to annoy my brother. My now my heart just aches, yearning for Enjolras. "I promise", Marius whispers to Cosette, softly caressing her cheek with his hand, and she can't help but smile back. The sound of soft footsteps snaps my attention away from Marius and Cosette. Maggie lingers in the doorway with a note in her hand.

"Sorry to disturb, but Juliette – this just came for you", she speaks gently. I tread towards her, trying not to make any noise.

"Thank you", I smile lightly, taking the note from her. I quickly open the letter, and unfold the page inside it to reveal a brief, handwritten note. It contains an address for Petit-Picpus convent, with the words "for your knowledge only" underneath it. Signed – "Valjean". I gasp quietly.

"Is everything okay?" Maggie asks, genuinely concerned.

"Yes..." I reply, trying not to give anything away. "Everything is fine", I smile, folding the paper carefully and placing it in my belt. It's as if Valjean has sensed I need him. And while I'm hiding a pregnancy from those I hold dearest, I may need Valjean's help now more than ever.