The Barricade Girl (A Les Miserables FanFiction)

Chapter Sixty

As I back away from Enjolras' body, Gavroche still in my arms, I catch sight of Inspector Javert lurking in the shadows.

"Miss, I'm –" He begins to speak. But I just shake my head, the words getting caught in my throat due to the lump that's formed there.

"Don't even –" I try to reply, but my voice is too weak and overcome with emotion.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Miss", he continues regardless, removing his hat as a mark of respect.

"Mrs, actually", I correct him.

"Pardon me", he apologises.

"Your life was spared. You could have saved them. You could have saved them all". Javert doesn't respond. He solemnly removes his medal of honour from his jacket, and pins it on Gavroche's jacket. He then takes the weight of Enjolras' body upon himself, carrying him and supporting his weight until he's able to lower him to the ground. He removes the burgundy jacket from Enjolras' body. He places the jacket around my shoulders.

"I believe this belongs to you..."

The jacket was still warm from Enjolras. It still smelt like him. The blood that seeped through onto his jacket stains my own clothing. But I don't care. This is all I have left of my husband as I run through the Parisian streets in search of a hospital; his jacket, his cravat, and our Gavroche. Avoiding soldiers wherever we can, we finally make it to a hospital. I burst through the front doors, shouting for someone to come and help us.

"My little boy has been shot!" I shout as I run through the corridors of the hospital, looking for someone who can help. "Please, somebody, please!" A doctor approaches quickly and takes Gavroche from me. "He's been shot in the arm. I made a tourniquet to try and help. He's still breathing. I don't know what else to do", I inform him, speaking quickly, the panic and worry escaping in my voice.

"You've done all you can. We'll take care of him now", the doctor replies matter-of-factly before he turns and carries Gavroche away. I try to go after him, but a nurse gently stops me, placing a hand on my arm.

"Look after him!" I call after the doctor. "Please..." I add, a little weaker.

"He's going to be just fine", the nurse assures me. "Let's get you cleaned up", she smiles at me, and I feel safe.

After getting me checked over, and allowing me to wash myself, the nurse ushers me into a waiting room to wait for Gavroche. A couple of other people sit in the room, waiting on their own loved ones. And then my eyes fall on Arnaud Guerre. Sitting there. Still dressed in his uniform. His blood-stained uniform. Potentially stained with the blood of my friends. My best friend. My brother. My husband. Without warning, filled with rage, I run at him. As soon as he sees me coming for him, Arnaud is up on his feet. He catches me.

"Should I – ?" The nurse begins to ask Arnaud, and he silences her.

"It's okay. I've got her", he informs the nurse. "I can handle her". Angry tears start to fall from my eyes again, and I start hitting Arnaud with my hands. Not hard. I'm not hurting him. I don't think I could. But hitting him makes me feel better all the same.

"I can't believe you!" I scream as I hit him. "You killed them! You killed them all!" Instead of trying to stop me hitting him, he just stands there and takes it. Instead of backing away, he places his arms around me and holds me to him. I give in. I cry into his shoulder, sure that my hot tears can burn a hole into his uniform. "They're gone..."

"I'm sorry I couldn't do anything..." He replies.

"But you could have done!" I look up at him. "You could have stopped it!" I protest.

"I couldn't have, Juliette!" He argues. "Do you know how much I went through today?!"

"What you went through?!" I spit in disbelief.

"Yes! I have to live with what I had a hand in today! I had a lot of innocent blood on my hands! On my conscience! And I have to live with that!" He shouts at me.

"Good!" I spit. "I thought you were better than this! You should be better than this! Victoria deserves better than this!"

"I know she does!" He shouts back, matching my own shouts. "Do you think I don't know that?! But if Victoria can forgive me, then maybe one day I can forgive myself!" We both look around at the other people in the waiting room who are staring at us in silence, slightly more than unnerved by what they've just witnessed. Arnaud and I slowly both sit down, silently mutually agreeing to tone it down a bit. "I know she deserves more. And I know what I had a hand in today was wrong. I hate what I've become, I hate what I have to do in the name of wearing this uniform. But I have to follow orders. If I don't follow orders...I have to face the consequences. It may sound selfish, but I had to protect my own life and the lives of my men out there today. I did what anyone else would've done. I'm just sorry you got caught in the middle of it. If I'd have known it was you –"

"Then you wouldn't have done it", I finish his sentence.

"I would've pre-warned you".

"Should it matter who it was?" I ask him.

"In the eyes of the law, they're criminals".

"Criminals or not, they're my friends. My family. What about Marius and Courfeyrac?"

"Juliette –" He tries to speak, but I cut him off.

"We grew up together. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"Of course it does!" He silences me. "Marius wasn't there. His body hasn't been accounted for. He could have escaped the scene. He could still be alive".

"He could?" I gasp.

"He could. And Courfeyrac might still be alive". My eyes widen in disbelief. How does he know this? Why would he say this? As if he can read all the questions running through my mind before I verbalise them, Arnaud answers. "I couldn't leave Courf lying there. I do have a scrap of loyalty left in me. That's why I'm here. I brought him to the hospital".