The Barricade Girl (A Les Miserables FanFiction)

Chapter Sixty-Seven

"I didn't know if you were alive or..." Madame can't finish her sentence as she hugs me to her, her eyes welling up. "It's so good to have you home, Juliette..." Have me home. This place – the Café Musain – this has almost been more of a home to me than Grandfather's manor. Madame doesn't know how right she is.

"Marius and Courfeyrac are upstairs", I tell her.

"They're alive?" She covers her mouth to try and control her emotion.

"They are", I nod.

"Dare I ask if anyone else made it out alive?" She asks carefully, almost trying not to use the word 'dead', looking as if she is dreading the answer I might give her.

"Gavroche did. Only just. I got him to a hospital. He's living with me now", I explain to her.

"Does that mean Enjolras, and the others..." She can't finish her question. I nod to answer her question. And she tries to hold back her tears as she reaches up to me again, pulling me to her. "How have you had the bravery to come back here so soon?" She asks as she rubs my back.

"I had to. I had no choice", I rest my head on her shoulder, even though she is slightly smaller than me, and I had to crouch a little to do so. She strokes my hair to comfort me. If my Mother were still here now, I imagine that this is the way she would have comforted me. Madame has been the closest thing to a Mother that I've had since my own Mother passed – she was there at my wedding, she stood beside me as I said my vows, and she's here now to comfort me when I need it most. She was a Mother to all of us. "I had to find out the truth..."

"The truth?" She stops stroking my hair, and manoeuvres me by the shoulders so that she is looking me straight in the eye.

"I heard from a reliable source that Inspector Javert knows something about the night on the barricade. I need to find him".

"Oh, Juliette..." Madame sighs. "You're too late".

"I'm what?"

"Inspector Javert was found dead the night after the barricade fell. They found his body in the River Seine. Suicide, they reckon".

"Suicide?" I say, almost unable to comprehend what I've just heard.

"Personally, I think he was too full of guilt for all the lives lost that night". She stops talking, noticing the look on my face. I am completely out of hope now. "Oh..." She rubs my arm. "I'm sorry, Juliette".

"It's fine..." I try to fake a smile, not wanting to let her see how crushed I feel. "The boys will want to see you. They'll be happy to know you're okay", I smile at her, tears escaping from the corners of my eyes, falling down my face along with the hope of Enjolras being alive as it falls from my soul.

"Are you alright?" She touches my arm.

"Yes...I'm fine..." I smile through my tears. "I'm just thrilled you're here". I smile at her again – she doesn't look convinced, but she leaves to go upstairs anyway. Madame can see right through me and we both know it. Once Madame has left, I stay back for a moment, trying to get my thoughts together – I can't let Marius or Courfeyrac see me like this. I can't believe that I let myself dare to think that Enjolras might still be alive, to think that Inspector Javert might have saved him. My brain is too full to try and figure out what Inspector Javert might have wanted with Enjolras' body. Was there some kind of prize for bringing home the head of the leader of the revolution? Was there some kind of honour to be bestowed for being the one to capture the body of the man who topped their most wanted list? What kind of sick, twisted game is this? My mind then starts thinking about where Enjolras' body might be now. If Inspector Javert is dead, then what did he do with my husband's body? Is there anyone who can help me? It seems like the greatest unanswered question that will stay exactly that – unanswered. The only way I'll ever know the answer is when the time comes for me to die also. Taking a breath and wiping my eyes, I try to silence the thoughts. There's nothing I can do now. I have no chance of finding Enjolras – dead or alive. And I must resign myself to that fact. I can't live forever in a dream world where I expect and believe that Enjolras will walk through the door at any moment. I have to banish these thoughts. I have to try to move on. I have to be strong. My new adopted son needs me more than ever.

I re-join Marius and Courfeyrac in the upper room, along with Madame who clutches on to them as if she'll never let them out of her sight again. Marius is speaking aloud, as if speaking to himself, but also as if he is answering a question that Madame has just asked them.

"There's a grief that can't be spoken. There's a pain goes on and on. Empty chairs at empty tables, now my friends are dead and gone. Here they talked of revolution. Here it was they lit the flame. Here they sang about tomorrow..." Marius' voice breaks. "And tomorrow never came". Tears start to run from his eyes. "From the table in the corner, they could see a world reborn, and they rose with voices ringing". He walks towards the table and toward the window, as if caught in a trance. "And I can hear them now!" He falls against the table as he stumbles, his body not managing to keep up like he wants it to. I rush to him and catch him, holding him up. "The very words that they have sung became their last communion, on this lonely barricade, at dawn". I lower Marius down to a nearby chair, mustering all my strength for him, trying to hold back my own emotions. If truth be told, I too can still hear their voices. I see them in my dreams each night. I hear their voices and their singing each corner I turn, and then realise anew that they aren't there, and they never will be again. "Oh my friends, my friends forgive me, that I live and you are gone –"

"Marius –" I try to stop him before he sends us all over the edge, and before he injures himself, causing more harm to himself than good. But he ignores me.

"There's a grief that can't be spoken, and there's a pain goes on and on", he continues passionately, tears flowing, his voice raging. A ghost of his former self, in this moment I see how haunted Marius still is by the entire thing. "Phantom faces at the window, phantom shadow on the floor. Empty chairs at empty tables where my friends will meet no more!" Marius stands up from his chair, shaking with grief.

"Marius, please –" Courfeyrac tries to calm him this time. Madame looks on, sobbing as she watches Marius fall apart.

"Oh my friends, my friends, don't ask me what your sacrifice was for!" He shouts, and then he quietens down, falling into my arms, his sobs shaking through his entire body. "Empty chairs at empty tables. Where my friends will sing no more..." And then he stops speaking, the sound of his weeping the only noise remaining.

"I think you should take him home, Juliette", Madame whispers sympathetically. "He needs to rest". I nod, and keeping one arm around Marius, I lead him towards the stairs.

"Thank you, Madame. For everything". I touch her arm with my free hand. "I hope to see you soon. Under better circumstances".

"Stay well, Juliette".