Tyler woke up to the sound of pans clanging and a faint smell of bacon coming through the gap in the doorway.
Slowly he rose out of bed, knowing it must be josh since he wasn't in bed. As he was getting off of the bed he caught sight of Josh's baby blue pacifier on the nightstand.
'Hhm he mustn't be feeling little at the moment.' Tyler thought as he made his way out of the bedroom and down the passage to the kitchen .
Just as he thought there was josh stood in front of the oven shirtless, sweatpants sitting low in his hips. Slowly Tyler walked up to josh hugging him from behind.
"Morning baby boy" Tyler said, voice still thick with sleep.
Josh blushed at the nickname.
"Morning, I thought I'd make breakfast since i couldn't get back to sleep. It was going to be breakfast in bed for you but you've woke up now." Josh said
"No no it could still be breakfast in bed that sounds nice." Tyler said, the sound of getting back under the warmth of the covers sounding very inviting.
"I suppose, why don't you go get yourself back into bed then and I'll bring it through when it's ready."
"Okay" Tyler replied.
Tyler got back under the covers as quick as he could, not realising how cold it actually was until he was under them. As he relaxed into the pillows he began to think back to what had happened over the weekend.
Saturday went like any other day off, the two of them lounging around, Tyler running off to the 'studio' to write lyrics down when he had an idea and if he felt up to it josh would read some and test out beats. That's how most Saturdays off were.
Sunday's were usually no different, this week was different though, Tyler was out doing a small shop to top up the fridge but this time came to see josh asleep with a blanket and pacifier. It was then he discovered his boyfriend was a little.
The discovery was a bit of a shock to Tyler given that josh always had more of a dominant personality and he was the one to care for Tyler most of the time. But he supposed that josh does have a lot of stress with his anxiety and depression, also the pressure of looking over Tyler so it made sense for him to need an escape.
Despite the shock it was something Tyler was more than happy to help Josh with, it would be wrong of him not too. Tyler smiled softly at the thought of how cute josh looked with his pacifier asleep on his chest last night.
"What are you smiling at." Josh said, also smiling as he carried in a tray with the food on.
"Just how adorable you look when your sleeping with your pacifier." Tyler said with a smile.
Josh blushed crimson red at Tyler's statement, forgetting for a moment Tyler knew he was a little.
"Oh yeah...that" josh said setting the tray down in Tyler's lap and sitting on his side of the bed.
"Hey, don't go all shy on me now, we spoke about this yesterday. You know I'm fine with it all." Tyler said grabbing Josh's hand.
"I know,I know but we mentioned how Ryan was with me and let's face it, it isn't the most normal thing to do." Josh said looking down, not wanting to break down in front of Tyler especially since the mention of his ex.
"I can see that talking about him is a touchy subject but if you want to you can, or tell me stuff he done while you were little so I know not to so them." Tyler said, desperately wanting to stop his boyfriends pain.
Josh sighed knowing it would all come out eventually so he might as well get it all out now.
—mention of abusive/toxic relationships please don't read if you are easily triggered, stay safe (ends at the //)—
"So basically I was with Ryan for almost three years, he was great at first, exactly who I needed at that time. He helped me with my depression, anxiety and the other stuff that was going on at the time, but he used that against me later when I wanted to do something for myself being like 'when have your friends done anything for you, I was the one who helped you with your depression but if you want to go out then go.' But I would stay because I felt guilty. Then overtime he stopped letting me leave the house for anything, I lost contact with friends and family. Because of my inability to leave the house I couldn't see my friends and so things that relieves stress so I slowly lost control of my regression and he took advantage of my venerability." Josh paused, reliving some of the memories from his time with Ryan.
Tyler sat listening intently to everything josh said, his anger slowly boiling making him want to find Ryan and make him suffer the way josh did.
"If you don't want to continue the we can stop for now, you don't need to tell me anything else if you can't." Tyler said, keeping his voice light so josh didn't thing that he was angry at him.
"No I might as well tell you, I'm not going to go in to a lot of detail though."
"When I said he was abusive I mean in every way, mentally, physically and sexually. If I wasn't in headspace then I could defend myself to a point but I was usually 3 or under most of the time back then because of the stress he put me through meaning there was nothing I could do. I had to just take it. That's why it took me so long to be completely okay with us being intimate, why I panic when people shout and I flinch when Brendon punches my arm or pretends to start a fight with me, I know he's joking but for so long violence wasn't a joke. Then the mental damage will always be there when I do certain things his voice echoes somewhere in the back of my mind."
//
"Oh baby I'm so sorry you had to go through any of that, I couldn't imagine what it was like. I promise i will never do anything like that, you can regress whenever you need to, I am happy to be your caregiver." Tyler embraced josh in a tight hug, he seriously wanted to pay Ryan a visit but that wouldn't help anyone, he needed to focus on josh.
Light sniffles were herd from josh as he cuddled into Tyler, wanting nothing but to escape.
