The Girl They Never Noticed

Chapter 48

They ended up dying.

Jaycee and I could last this.

I really hope we do, because with him gone, I'll just spend the rest of my life locked up in a five by seven bathroom smelling flat with about forty cats.

Or fifty.

I hate cats...

My brain told me that I needed to move on because in order for me to keep him safe, I needed to keep my distance. That I needed to fight the urge to see him just so I could keep him safe.

My heart, on the other hand, told me to screw this whole operation and go for my true love.

He has waited for me since freshman year and I don't believe that he'll wait any longer.

Not anymore, and as much as that breaks my soul and shatters my heart, it's nothing I can't handle.

I can handle the pain.

I can handle the misery.

I can handle the heartbreak.

I can.

Right?

I'm strong...?

No.

Who am I kidding?

I can't lie to myself.

This is going to be the hardest thing I would ever have to deal with.

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. Multiple times.-

"I'm sorry." I whisper as a tear slid down my face.

"I'm so frickin sorry."

Why do I keep hurting those I love?

I put my friends in danger. I put their families in probable danger. I might've even ruined their lives because unless the feds can get my uncles in custody, they'll always be in constant danger.

More importantly, why do I keep hurting myself?

I fell for someone who doesn't necessarily have a great reputation with hearts. I fell for him in the midst of am ongoing crisis, not even knowing if I'll make it out of this whole thing alive or not. Even if I did make it alive, it isn't really looking well. Who's to say that he'll wait for me? He's got the entire female species population at school lined up at his feet. He could have his pick of beautiful, smart, funny and outgoing girls. Once he does, he'll be wondering what the hell he was doing loving someone like me.

Someone so...broken.

So naïve.

So weak.

So unworthy.

I want him to find someone better for him. Someone who deserves his pure heart. Someone who would stick by his side when he needs her the most. Just someone who isn't me. He deserves nothing less than the absolute best, and I know for a fact that that person isn't me. It never will be.