Blooming~ Yaoi Oneshots || Male character x Male reader

Thanatophobia~ Ciel Phantomhive x Male Reader

//hello~ so Ciel and just about everyone in thsi oneshot will be ooc. Because I haven't watch Kuro in awhile. I DID. ADD MYSELF. In my cute little oc female like form. So basically Im like an oc, but still me. XD. Because I do need some tweaks to myself.lol.

WARNING: SLIGHT CUTTING AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. BUT HAPPY ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!

Y/n's P.O.V

Thanatophobia.
The fear of losing a loved one. ((From my info..)) It started when I lost my parents, and my two siblings. I lost them to a man in a trench coat, I spent my whole life looking for this man but never came across him, I thought maybe he felt guilty and offed himself after the murders of my family. I gave up looking for him when I was 13, now Im 15. I live with my amazing boyfriend, Ciel Phantomhive. Sure everyone thinks he is stone cold and strict, but not around me, around me he is sweeter than honey, warmer than a fire, and more beautiful than a Sakura tree. Which I only saw once, and let me tell you, they are the most beautiful things on the planet. But of course not as beautiful as Ciel. When Ciel came into my life he brought light into my life, into my dark life that was filled with hatred and a hunger for revenge. But Ciel brought out the good in me. I wish I could've thanked him however.

A day earlier.

I woke up feeling refreshed, I stretched out my body, arching my back and hearing a satisfying pop I relaxed again into the bed. I yawned before sitting up then doing my morning routine, which consisted of brushing my teeth and hair, and getting dressed. I dressed pretty similar to Ciel, being his lover and all. I mainly dressed in f/c however. Ciel's former fiancé, let me have Ciel, though she was told she still had to carry their bloodline. So in other words, my lover had to get Lizzy pregnant. In the future. It sucked, but at least I get a child to look after. Lizzy was always fine with me and Ciel, it's because she had a secret lover, a girl in fact. ((I got an idea for my Yuri oneshots XD)) Lizzy and I always have tea parties, we actually have one planned today, in Ciel's manor. I know, it's weird I like to have tea parties with her, but I find it fun. I hummed, looking at my outfit in the mirror. I winked at myself and nodded in satisfaction. I quickly ran out of my room, and straight into Ciel's study, he looked like he was about to yell at whoever ran in without permission, then he saw it was me, then he smiled. " Hello dear." He said as he slowly stood up and began walking towards me to give me a kiss on my cheek. "Morning love." I replied and kissed his forehead, moving his bangs out of the way before, so I didn't kiss a bunch of hair. We both smiled at each other, feeling a sudden loving warmth course through my chest. I love his smile. "Ciel~ Guess who is visiting today~!" I said with a hint of mischief in my voice. Ciel gulped, knowing exactly who. "She said she has new dresses and bows too!" I said with an excitement and laughed at how nervous he got, but then I got this feeling that it wasn't just because of Lizzy. "Ciel?" I said trying to make sure he was okay. "I-Im sorry but I have a case, and I need to leave for a few days. It's dangerous so you will not be coming." Ciel said, his strictness lacing his voice elegantly. "Oh.. well as long as you make it back safe." I replied and then I felt lips smash against mine.

I now stood at the door, holding one of the three suitcases Ciel had packed, I handed it to Sebastian ((sorry if I didn't spell it right-)) I walked out the door and stood there silently, with the servants at my side, well more friends than servants. We watched Ciel get in the carriage. "Bye Love!" I yelled as they took off, Ciel only waved, I frowned. Maybe he wouldn't come back safe. That thought will haunt me for awhile. Then another carriage pulled up, making me feel happier. "LIZZY!" I shouted and went to go help her off her carriage, then I saw another female with her. I offered my hand to Lizzy and the other female, who was dressed in a royal fashion. They accepted my hand as the exited the carriage, making sure they didn't forget all their decorations and clothing before heading off. "Lizzy guess what." I said to her. "What!?" She asked with excitement, which only made me excited. "Im the head of the manor until Ciel comes back!" I said with a grin. "That's so cool!" Lizzy said and smiled, then she looked at the female and grinned. "This is my uh.. friend. Well she is my girlfriend but hush, her name is Kurtis. She started out in the nation, Canada." Lizzy said whispering slightly. ((Idk when Kuroshitsuji's timeline was set in, soo I just said Canada, and said new nation. I added myself in as a female, pretty cool huh, lmao.)) The female with brown hair and blue eyes smiled at me. "Hello." She said in a soft voice, that sounded shy. I smiled at her in response. The female was very pretty, she had good curves, and looked fragile. Lizzy definitely looked strong when standing beside this girl. "Don't underestimate Kurtis, she is actually a trained assassin." Lizzy said, knowing what I saw thinking. Kurtis just grinned. Her dress looked a lot less colourful than Lizzy's attire however. Kurtis wore a black an blue coat, which reached her knees, a dark blue skirt which stopped above her knees, black knee socks, a white ruffled chest dress shirt, and a small ribbon tie. She wore her hair down and it was curled, obviously from Lizzy. Lizzy did score good with her. "You scored good Lizzy." I said while leadingthem into the manor to start our activities. Lizzy only blushed and so did Kurtis.

We all laughed as we talked while munching on cookies and sipping tea. It was a lovely day, we dressed up each other and Mey-Rin. We made a flower crown for Finny. Then we made cookies for Baldroy. ((Sorry if I spelled it wrong.. again.)) Then we heard a small ding signalling that a new hour has begun. "Our ride must be here now, we have to go." Lizzy said with a small pout. "You can come back anytime! Visits from you are always fun Lizzy." I said with a smile. Kurtis sighed and took Lizzy's hand. "We will show ourselves out, no worry." Kurtis said with a gentle smile before heading for the front door with Lizzy. I smiled, then went to Ciel's room, I plopped down on the sheets. I hate when he leaves. What if.. he doesn't come back this time. I felt my vision get blurry from the tears forming in my eyes, my heart rate quickens, and it gets harder to breathe. If I were to lose him. I would lose everything. I couldn't do that. I screamed, then Finny came running into the room. "Y/n! Don't worry I've got you." Finny said before sitting me up on the bed and squeezing me tight. I breathed in, it hurt, Finny kept squeezing. His strength managed to calm me down. I double tapped him, which was our safe signal. Finny was the only one who helped me with my anxiety attacks, which were really only caused when Ciel left. Finny sat there and hugged me for a bit while I sniffled. "Thanks.." I mumbled. Finny nodded. Honestly Finny is my best friend. We know everything about each other. "He will come back.. don't worry Y/n." Finny said, he said something else but I didn't catch it, because I was drifting to sleep fast, like going down the rapids fast.

Now. I cried. I screamed. I cant breathe. It hurts, inside and out. Like a thousand swords slicing at me. It's my worst nightmare come true. All those voices telling me he wont come back, were not lying. Ciel wasn't coming back. He is gone. I just got a letter announcing that he was dead. That means Sebastian wont come back either. My heart hurt badly, it felt like someone was punching it, or stabbing it. I screamed again and again, this is all too familiar. I hate it, I hate this world. Why is it so cruel?? Why is Ciel dead! He is the light in my darkness, but now. There is no light. Just darkness again! It's my fault letting someone in my life. I screamed, I cried, then I got an idea. He is in hell. So I shall go too. Suicide. Suicide. Suicide. That's all that I heard in my head as I walked to the kitchen. I dismissed the servants from the manor. Seeing as I have nothing to pay them with. Finny gave me a sad look but nodded. It hurt to walk. Breathe. Being alive hurt. Without him. He isn't dead. Just not in this world. I found a knife, I immediately slit my arm, I screeched at the pain. "I DIDNT EVEN GET TO SAY I LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as my tears and blood mixed and dripped down on the floorboards of the kitchen. The kitchen where me and Ciel had make out sessions when guests were here. I smiled as I aimed the knife at me. "I lost everything.." I jolted the knife forward.

I jolted up in the bed and screamed. Then I heard someone beside me sit up quickly and wrap his arms around me. "Dear? Love? Y/n? Are you okay?" The soothing and husky voice I loved asked. "Y-you're alive..?" I asked in shock. "Why wouldn't I be?" Ciel said and shook his head, which felt like a nuzzle to me. "Y/n.. it was just a dream my love." Ciel said and kissed my cheek. "It felt too real.." I said as I finally noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks. Ciel hummed. "Well it wasn't. Im here. I'll never leave this world without you, I swear on my blood." Ciel said and pulled my chin to look at him, we both leaned in slowly as our lips touched and moved perfectly together. "I love you Ciel."

"I love you too Y/n."