Real Girl Tips

Flirting over Text

Flirting is, at its most basic, a way to get to know people you might be interested in dating. It might seem nerve-wracking to start flirting and put yourself out there, but fear not—it's normal to be nervous around someone you really like, and there are ways to seem confident and pull off a successful flirtation. Here are some pointers for flirting with someone over text, as well as in-person

1

Keep your approach casual. Don't let yourself get so nervous that you forget basic conversational skills. Instead, try to stay calm and open the conversation with a low-pressure way. Here are some possible openers:

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Did you see/hear [insert event you both know about here]?"

2

Don't talk about yourself too much. Here's a fundamental tenet of talking to people you can keep in mind: The majority of people are most comfortable talking about themselves because it's a topic they know well. Instead of taking the easy way out and discussing you endlessly, encourage the other person to talk about themselves. However, you can and should occasionally throw some personal facts in the person's direction to help them to in turn ask questions about you. The key is to leave it up to them to pursue an interest in things relevant to yourself.

This tactic actually serves two purposes: Not only does it keep the conversation going, but it allows you to find out more about your crush.

You don't have to possess prior information about the other person to do this step. If you don't know him or her very well yet, you can ask:

"How'd your day go?"

"So, what do you do with your free time?"

If you do know the other person a bit, focus on a hobby or interest you're already aware of. For instance, maybe he's really into basketball, or you know she loves to read. "Did you see the game last night?" or "Have you read any good books lately?" would be great starts.

Know when to press for more information. You can keep the discussion lively and interesting without probing too deeply on personal topics. For instance, asking your crush what exactly he or she likes about running cross-country would be a great idea; asking him or her for more details on family relationships or close friendships would be too much, too soon.

Compliment your crush early in the conversation. Don't chicken out and skip this step — it might seem difficult, but it's incredibly important. A compliment communicates that you're potentially interested in dating, and steers you away from the dreaded friend-zone. If you skip paying your crush a compliment and simply keep the conversation on a friendly level, it might be too late next time. Here are some basic compliments you could use:

If you don't know your crush very well yet, but you're working on it, use a compliment oriented in this direction. Something like:

"You're fascinating. I LOVE talking with you."

"I kind of can't believe I'm getting to know someone as gorgeous and interesting as you."

Use your crush's other interests to your advantage. If you know this person is dating (or interested in) someone else, you can use this to your advantage in a compliment.

Say something like, "I hope [other person] knows how lucky he/she is to be dating you."

Or, if that person comes up in the conversation, you could jokingly throw out something like "I'm super jealous of [name], he/she has something I REALLY want ;)". If your crush presses and asks what it is, play coy and say something like, "I can't tell you, but it's about someone beautiful/amazing/talented/[other adjective]."

Try weaving the compliment into the conversation. For instance, if the girl you like is talking about how she had a terrible day, you could say something like "I hate seeing someone as beautiful as you feel so unhappy. What can I do to help?"

Be careful about complimenting looks. A girl might like it if you notice her eyes, but she might label you as creepy if you say she has a nice figure too soon. Play it safe and stick to these physical features:

Eyes

Smile

Lips

Hair

Hands

Be bold. If none of the suggestions above appeal to you, go for broke and pay your crush a bold compliment. Try these possibilities, using the adjective that fits your crush best or substituting your own:

"I hope you know you're gorgeous/beautiful/amazing/my favorite person to talk to/etc."

"Sorry if this is too forward, but I have to say that you're incredible/an amazing person/so beautiful/etc."

Avoid loading compliments with feelings too early. Leaving a person slightly uncertain of the extent of your feelings for them can increase your attractiveness, giving you a bit of a mysterious edge. The point is not to make the person question whether you like them at all, but to make them wonder how much you like them. This will encourage them to interact with you more in order to find out, in essence, making them pursue you rather than the other way around. This is similar to the practice of "negging" in that the goal is too convince the other person to pursue you instead of the opposite way around, however this method does not revolve around negatively manipulating the target's self-esteem, and as such is much more ethical. To achieve this, try phrasing compliments objectively rather than subjectively. Here are examples of objective vs subjective compliments:

"I really like your eyes, they're so pretty.". On the surface this compliment may seem fine, and it probably would be appreciated. However a common flaw in phrasing a romantic compliment is to constantly use the words "I like/love *insert trait here*". They tell the person that they've succeeded in winning your heart. This is great if you've already built up a solid relationship, but early on it can make you seem "too easy".

"You have great eyes, they're very pretty". Although technically both sentences are you conveying that you like the person's eyes, this one makes it more of an observation than a personal opinion. It implies that you find the person attractive but does not confirm it outright. As such, the receiver will feel both flattered and drawn to figure out how much attractive you find them.

Always leave them wanting more. As much as you might want to text this person forever, it's best to bow out before the conversation goes stale (as all conversations are bound to do at some point). The best way to avoid an awkward pause is to leave before one happens.

Set up your next interaction before you go. Throw out something like "Hey, so I'll see you around tomorrow?" or "Text me again sometime." Note that you enjoyed the conversation just before you leave. It doesn't have to be complicated — a simple "This was awesome" or "I had a good time talking to you" is enough. Be careful not to over-compliment them. Your compliments will have a lot less meaning if you bestow them for every single positive trait the person has. Instead reserve them for meaningful things that are important to the person, such as complimenting a skill they take pride in.