memento mori // poetry

wings

Remember when you used to keep track
of the days when you broke up with love.
Zero days since your last bad fall.
I used to count the minutes
until I could see you.
I used to stare at the ceiling
until my tears melted my eyelids shut -
love doesn't have to hurt, but it does.
Repression. Depression. Suppression.
Obsession. Neglection. Rejection.
a reflection of who we really were
deep down -
we really did love each other,
but what is love?

Definitions were all fucked up,
so we just kept fucking;
love doesn't need to hurt,
it just needs to burn.
smoking weed with two strangers to forget you,
paranoid and anxious –
observations of the soul,
people watching masterpiece.
a desire for intimacy, but I still need you.
the parts of you that stirred passion.

Remember when you used to keep track
of the days when someone left you all alone.
Relocation. Agitation. Fear.
this is the closest you will ever be to my funeral.
its been 2 years ever since your heart was broken.
like a cracked mirror,
the reflection is still there, but its in fragments.
staring at the ceiling
because my thoughts melted into the paint
from the powder up my nose
and the pill in my blood.
I used to count the seconds
until I could kiss you again.

Love is a soft spring
and heartache is a colorless rose.
it has the shape of beauty,
but its pale and the feelings are all gone.
you will get over it someday.
Regret. Guilt. Sinners.
a thirst for life, a pull for passion.
the person who loves the hardest
can also be consumed by the rage
of bittersweet bed-time stories
left like a cliffhanger of a cliffhanger -
the end lesson of your results
are always left open for interpretation.

You weren't perfect, but you loved me.
I wasn't perfect, but I did love you.
the 'I' and 'you' in your life will always change,
maybe the fear of losing you was what.
what did it feel like to lose me?
it was probably easy to get over me.
that's okay.
we always knew
someone loved the other person more.
that was my problem. I held you too high.
so high that when it came time
for us to fall together,
I never thought that I'd be the only one,
you never did come down
to return my wings.