memento mori // poetry

16

Song: TYLERxCORDY - Aqua Blue Honda 
(this will always be one of my favorites. it's got a weird vibe but i looove it.)

I'm not really a people person,
but I'm good at faking it.
Have you seen a real smile lately?
Sat yourself down?
Been truthful to yourself?
As to why you've been sad?
Do you really love the person
you've became after the the anxiety?
I want to feel safe inside of myself,
but it's hard. 

The more I learn about myself,
the more I realize I don't really
have anything figured out.
Do you have empty graves inside of your mind too?
Dead pieces of who you used to be.
I am a firm believer that we kill ourselves
in a lot of different ways.
It's not always so physical, but sometimes it is.
Maybe you've lost a lot of weight,
maybe you've gained a lot. 

Either way, to truly smile,
you have to be nice to yourself.
Tell yourself that you look great.
Kindness goes a long way,
that includes being nice to yourself.
You're a person to yourself too.
Don't rely on people for love—
you've got a whole crowd in your head. 

Five year old you bouncing off the walls, 
love that child, 
that child is still there waiting to come out for recess. 
Twelve year old you crushing and blushing,
but you never had the courage to speak first.
You're much older now— go up and speak to her. 

I didn't know that writing poetry for her at 16
would forever change the way I viewed the world.
Sometimes home is simply being alone—
sometimes love is like hitting a funny bone—
so laugh a little because you never know who's listening. 

You're 24 now and the people you used to hang with
are nowhere to be seen—
change happens quickly,
age is like biting into an apple and letting it sit there.
One day, we're going to rot too.
That's the truth, isn't it?
We live.
We fall in love.
We hurt.
We heal.
We grow up.
And then one day, we'll die. 

Now that's the kicker.
You don't get to pick how you die,
but you get to choose how you live your life.
And baby, I know that I wasn't good to you then,
but in a perfect world I would've listened more.
Insensitive to your sensitivity—
my greatest flaw,
my worst mistake is why I'm still growing today.