Autumn's Concerto

Autumn's Concerto 11

I had forgotten how Jake's room had smelled. A lot like Jake, a lot like home. It was a comfort to be back, sitting on his bed while he was taking a shower, remembering the "camps" we had made in his living room with these sheets as kids, or how he had let me sit in this very spot and cry to him when my mother had died. It brought back memories of when he would sleep on the floor and let me have his bed until I had a bad nightmare and then he would crawl in with me and comfort me until I fell back asleep. I always woke up alone though.

His door opened while I was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. "Hey, Jake, do you know where I put my pajamas -?"

"Yeah, they're in the closet - why are you staring at me like that?"

To my utter disbelief, Jake was very .... filled out. I knew he spent most of his time lifting heavy objects and working hours of manual labour in his garage, but this was... And then I realized he had only a towel wrapped around him and I threw myself around to cover my eyes. "Jake! Put some clothes on!"

"What? Does my being half naked bother you?"

"Jacob!"

"Jeeze, Bells, you'd think you'd never seen me not wear a shirt before. Or that you'd never seen me naked."

"That was when we were too young to know about our differences!' I yelled, completely mortified.

"Calm down, Bella. Look, I'm dressed."

I peeked through my fingers and he was, but he still didn't wear a shirt. Why was it so embarassing that he was shirtless?

"Do you want a shower? Or are you afraid I'll walk in on you?" He rolled his eyes and threw me a clean towel. "And your extra toothbrush is in the cabinet." My mouth set in a firm line as I marched past him. Stupid boy with his sarcasm. I shut the door, rummaging for my toothbrush before I got in the shower. They still bought the same shampoo. All these details were constant and with them my old memories. Good memories that made me feel empty because my life wasn't like it anymore.

I stayed in the water a little too long, the hot water ran longer in their house than it did in mine and it helped relax the tight muscles in my shoulders and back.

I brushed my teeth when I got out and threw my wet hair in a pony tail before I realized that I didn't have my pajamas. I huffed and wrapped the towel tighter around me before I poked my head out the door.

"Jake!"

"Yeah?"

"Will you bring me my pajamas, please?"

He came padding out his room, still without a shirt, and brought me the old pair of sweat pants and tank top I normally wore and handed them to me without a word, but the look in his eyes told me all I needed to know.

"Yes, Jake, I was in such a rush I forgot them. Go away."

He waved his hand at me and then disappeared back into his room.

I followed him back there when I was dressed to find him lying on his bed with his hands behind his head. He didn't turn to look at me when he said, "Bells, do you ever think about what would have happened if things had stayed the way they were?"

Constantly. But I swallowed those words and said instead, "There isn't much of a point. I mean, it's already done with. Thinking about it won't change anything."

"I know. But - I dunno - I just think things would have been different."

I sat on the edge of his bed with one foot bent under me. "I know," I said softly. "But we still can't change anything."