Chaos| √

Prelude....2

Blayne 

"Everything I've been through, everything I've done,

I just want one more day, just to feel the sun,

I'm hoping that he sees me, and he's happy that I've won

I'm livin on a cloud now, and don't wanna come down

Cause everything I had was lost when you left

I don't have nothing left, just pain, tears, and regrets.

I continued to nod my head, while waving my fingers around to the instrumental that played softly in my ears. My eyes were closed, as I found myself sulking in yet another vivid day dream about my brother. He invaded my mind alot, late at night when I was alone. Some dreams were worse than others, but I managed to focus on the one that made me happy. I wrote about him a lot, as he was referenced in almost all of my songs.

My brother was young when he passed.

He was only 23.

It's almost been two years since, and I sill felt like he was here with me, watching and laughing at me. There were times where I also felt he was disappointed. I could feel him too, at certain times...Times where I was just going through the worst of the worst. I know that's why I am where I am now, because of him.

He kept me strong from his words, his wisdom, and his love for me. There were so many times I thought about ending my own life after he left, so many times I wondered why he had to do what he did, with the wrong crowd. I hated the way he left this earth, and I also hated myself for not being there when it happened.

Maybe I could of saved him.

I opened my eyes, quickly wiping them, before focusing back on my notebook. I'd been trying to write a song for the past thirty minutes, but couldn't focus. Rocky immediately entered my mind next, without permission, or fair warning. I have no real idea why this man keeps shooting in and out of my thoughts, but he does. I don't know if it's because of his striking physical features or the fact that I always feel him watching me when I know that he probably shouldn't be.

I'm not oblivious to the fact that he checks me out more than he should be, or his clear flirting, but I must admit, the attention felt good, especially from someone like him. Sometimes, Essai was a second thought whenever I got a real good look at Rocky, from his adam's apple, his eyes and their shape, his nose, and his lips. His voice was pretty nice also.

I chuckled, immediately shaking the thought, as I waved my hand.

Maybe I was just horny...yeah. I hadn't been with E since January third of last year, three days before he left for Prison, and I was suffering so so so bad. One thing I loved other than music was sex...sex with Essai. He had the perfect size, girth and length. It always pleased me.

Yeah, I was horny.

Horny indeed.

"Ah, get it together Rocki" I muttered to myself before hearing a semi loud knock on my door.

I looked down at my phone to see it was almost two thirty in the morning before looking back at the door. Carter immediately entered my mind, as I quickly slid my headphones off, before hopping out of bed, and opening the door, only to see Rocky standing in the hallway.

No Carter.

"Oh...hey" I uttered, quickly looking down and cursing myself.

I was dressed in my black cotton camisole, black boy shorts, and my favorite stripped multicolored knee high toe socks.