I watch what use to be Sophia stumble towards us. I slowly walk backwards then turn and walk towards the woods. Once I hear the gun shot I start running. What do I do? Do I cry? Do I scream? Why did it have to be her?
When I reach the edge of the woods the barn is in the distance and I walk into the woods. I lean on a tree for a moment to catch my breath. Then something grabs my shoulder. I rip my knife out of my boot and turn around quickly but, I have nothing to worry about.
“What do you want Daryl?” I ask and turn a away from him and start walking further into the woods.
“Ya ran off I didn’t want you hurtin yourself.” He tells me and follows behind
“I can handle myself. You think that you would realize that by now.” I bark at him
“Are you okay?” he asks me
I don’t think I am.
“Of course I’m not. I prayed. I begged. Damn, I almost died.” I yell at him and continue “ But it all ended up how it usually does with someone dead. I can barely comprehend that she’s gone. I mean I knew somewhere in the back of my head that she was gone once she ran into those woods but I just kept fighting it.” I don’t know what else to say. Sophia’s dead. Oh my God. Sophia’s dead.
I collapse to the ground and Daryl sits next to me. Tears stream down my face but I don’t make a sound I just look at the ground.
“Why!” I scream “Just why?” I face him “You know part of me wishes you just let me jump. This pain is just as bad as when Mavie…” I trail off and sob some more.
“Ya don’t mean that.” He tells me
“Yes I do I can’t take-“ Daryl puts his hand to my cheek and pulls me in and kisses me and most of the pain disappears. Then he pick me up bridal style and carries me out of the woods. I don’t think I would have been able to walk out myself.
He brings me to the R.V. and I get down from him carrying me. I walk into the R.V. and see Carol sitting in the booth. I take a seat in front of her.
“Carol we are going to go have a service for Sophia.” I tell her weakly
“I’m not going.” She says simply
“That’s your little girl.” Daryl tells her
“That’s not my little girl.” She says and I hold her hand and another tear rolls down my face.
“Well at one point she was.” I tell her and she looks at me with big sad eyes.
I get up from the booth and wipe any stray tears on my cheeks and I walk out of the R.V and they follow.
----
We all stand in silence. I watch the faces of everyone here. Some angry. Some sad. I finally understand what I’m feeling and its disappointment. I really thought that she would have made it. That she would be the miracle the group needed. Then I look at Lorie. Maybe her baby was the miracle. I feel for the onesie in the back of my pants and it’s still there.
Everyone goes their own way and I stay at the grave for a moment kneeling in front of it. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder that belongs to Daryl. I stare up at him for a moment then look back down.
“Are you okay?” he asks me worriedly I shake my head.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be.” I say truthfully and get up from my kneeling position.
“I’m going to go to the house for a bit.” I tell him and he nods.
As I make my way towards the house I see Lorie exiting the house. She has her gun out and is checking it.
