I see him everywhere. His scent lingers in the hallways. His smile still burned into my head. I still feel the warmth he gave me. The way his lips felt on me. The way he made me feel. I can't fathom how much he means to me. The love he gave me if only for a short period of time. He made me feel untouchable. He made me feel like a queen. He gave me the love I need. Yet when it came down to it... it was all an illusion... I lost everything to him... I gave him my all only to have him break me down piece by piece I lost me... Trying to love him like he hadn't hurt me.. I see him being happy without me and it breaks me... I want to be the reason he is happy the reason he smiles and laughs but she is not me... She gives him everything I can't... She is everything I am not.... she is what he wants even though he said I was... He lied to me.... He deceived me... He made me believe all the little sweet nothings he would whisper in my ear... He made me believe he loved me... He broke me... He is the reason I am the way I am... I should hate him and not want to be with him but I can't... I want him more than anything... I want him to love me... I pray that he will love me... Yet I am still left alone broken and scared... My body littered with cuts and scars... Bruise purple and black... I try to give myself the pain I deserve but it is never enough just like me... I am never enough... I always fall short... I will always be broken... even when I say I am okay... It is all lies.... My smile hides the truth but the light that my eyes once held has died... my soul turned cold and black... my heart motionless... I wander what it feels like to have an heart beat.... I pray that I will be loved... Most importantly that I will be loved by him....
