Breaking

Chapter {12}

[Normani Kordei]

~Playing with Fire {12}

I sat outside the house.

It was a beautiful warm day. I wore a white and blank short tank and black jean shorts. Instead of my usual heels I wore hightops with spikes. The little edgy glam factor I loved so much. But despite the weather and this freedom I wasnt happy.

I was heartbroken.

Everything inside me screamed to run into the woods and slash out at my wrist. I know the girl, Jennifer, came to talk to Lauren and Dinah. D told me all about her special visit. If only they knew... If only...

Ever since I was small Ive dreamed of this and now everything seems to be grey and depressing. Sure I loved those fan despite the fact they ruined my life. Of corse I love the girls except the drama between 4 of us has been at an all time high lately.

What I want most is to curl into Dinahs arms and let her voice sooth me. But I cant do that. She doesnt love me she loves Lauren. And now because we are 18 it wont seem like a best friend thing, it would look like romance. And if anything I would never break up Lauren and Dinah. You can see the sparkle in their eyes and you know they are thinking of eachother.

With a sigh I lean back against a tree. Sometimes I wish I could be loved like that. Sometimes I feel as if Im not significant. Everyone loves camren and Lauren and Camila. Sometimes its depressing and I wonder why I was blessed the way I have been when Im not loved.

Camilas words echo in my head. She didnt even look like she cared. I hate when people think just because I usually look strong doesnt mean I dont have feelings. We all have feelings. Lauren and her frustration witht he constant camren. Dinah and the fact that sometimes she needs support and needs to be with her family. Camila and the fact she is so innocent and she hates the arguments that had gone on and on with Austin.

Im actually pretty sure Lauren used to love Luis and Camila Austin but all the hate and camren over powered and then 18 came and the dreams were crushed. I honestly did feel bad for Lauren but its hard to feel bad for Camila.

Last night I saw her in an all new light. I saw the dark unrelenting side of her. She spoke with such fire I literally felt as if I was swimming in lava. These past few months I had grown closer to her and then she yelled at me.

Maybe it was for the best though...

Jennifers words began to reappear in my mind but I shoved them off. If anything I didnt want that on my mind. Not on this lovely day. Dinah came outaide dressed in a tank and shorts. Her hair straightened. She looked so hot.

"Hey Mani." Dinah said as she sat beside me.

I give her a fake smile. "Hey D."

Unforunetly she notices. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Your lying." Dinah says. "Its about Camila isnt it?"

I shrug. "I thought maybe... maybe I had a new best friend. Since Im being forced to love you I wanted someone else there. I need someone else there. And she was so nice and... But its all lies." I say in defeat.

Dinah rubs my back. "You know shes sorry."

"No she isnt. I saw the pleassure in her eyes when she saw me admitting emotion." I turn to her. "Do you realise how hard it is? Every day. To put on a show. To give everyone a fake smile. To act like nothing hurts and nithing touches you?"

"Of corse I know a bit. I love Lauren and I have to pretend to love you."

I give a half smile. "Whered this world go."

"To the ground."

With best efforts I laugh but its small. Dinah pulls out a long velvet box and hands it to me. I give her a questioning look.

"Someone dropped it off this morning. Said its for you and you alone." She stood up and walked back inside the house.

I twisted it in my hand. The word Normani was written in gold. With caution I opened it up. A little gasp escaped my throat and I felt I was going to throw up. I hastily concealed it and slipped back inside. Hiding it away in my room.

Now I had to find Lauren.