fixed point » percy jackson

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❝  i'd do anything for you ❞  — seigfried ; frank ocean

"i find this really fucking normal, and that, my friend, is how i know i'm fucked." gina says quietly, her eyes still fixed on the two people we're spying on.

i dismiss her comment and look at the sheer bliss on aspen's face as he stares at clara, who is sitting on his bunk.

i hate their happiness. i wish it was gone like mine.

he used to look at me that way.

it's a pretty innocent story to how i ended up doing something not innocent at all.

it was a week after the war with gaea, i hadn't fought much but i helped will solace heal some of the injured.

as a child of demeter, i didn't and don't know how to heal. but i made good company and i always let campers squeeze my hand when someone had to put a bone back into place.

that's how i officially met aspen. he was seventeen, almost eighteen and i was freshly seventeen.

he wasn't with clara at that time.

not fully... they were on a break.  the both of them are always too stupid to let the other one completely go.

he was so kind to me, and i would bring him the freshest strawberries- because i loved how his face lit up when i brought them.

just for him. our little secret.

the day he got back with clara was the day he was released from the infirmary.

i cried all through the night and talked to no one the next day.

i had never been in love at that time, and i was willing to do anything for aspen to see i was worth his affection.

we met again one evening while i was near the lake, back facing the poseidon cabin.

he had been doing a check of the cabin's that were without campers. summer was gone and that meant most of us were going too.

i didn't want him to notice me, but i also wasn't going to move.

he sat down beside me, and that's what changed everything.

he told me things were different with him and clara. he said they had just known eachother so long they needed to be together.

"but i don't love her," he had said. "i don't even look at her like i look at you."

and i thought he was right. i didn't care if i had to sneak around with him. i was willing to wait for clara to leave him. i tricked myself into believing it was all her, and my aspen couldn't leave. something had to be making him stay.

that 'something' was her of course.

i never had a definite conclusion for my willful ignorance, i was love struck and much too hopeful.

aspen and i went months sneaking around and ditching sparring to run somewhere secluded.

after six months of sneaking about, aspen told me to meet him at the lake.

"i have a surprise for you, curly."

he had surprised me with a little tent tucked behind a tree. he made sure i could still see the sunset over the lake, and i melted by that tiny detail.

i had brought him fresh strawberries and we ate them as the sun set.

he loved when i brought him strawberries.

he played with my hair, and touched my body differently then any of the other times. he touched me like i was more important than one of the twelve gods.

i wish i could say i was strong enough to wait for him to be completely mine before i let anything sexual happen.

but i wasn't.

the downfall to aspen and i was the fact he got bored of me. i was deeply in love with him, but aspen wasn't deeply in love with me.

he grew tired of my jokes, my strawberries, and stories. the only thing that really made him stay were those nights we spent together.

it was month ago that i decided i was over all of it. i thought he would come back. i thought that my ultimatum would mean he would finally be completely mine.

i was wrong.

i stare at aspen and clara through the window, laughing with each other like they're the only people on the planet. eyes so full of love. they have what i thought aspen and i had.

gods, how i was wrong.