Falling for You... Again

Pretty Little Beater

I was awoken by a loud shouting, my vision still foggy from the alcohol and drugs my body had consumed.

"What the fuck are you doing? Did... did you guys...? That's my girlfriend, what were you thinking?" A familiar voice rises, and cracks. I knew I knew it, but I couldn't quite place who it belongs to.

"Dude, calm down. Don't blame me, I didn't know. She came onto me, and in my book, when a hot chick starts kissing you, you don't refuse." I try to open my eyes again, succeeding finally. The scene contains two guys, one I barely knew, the other... Jason, my boyfriend. I groan loudly, causing all heads to turn to me.I gulped. What did I do? You slept with another guy, thats what, you idiot. I could practically still feel the random hands on my body still exploring every inch. Jason looks at me, his eyes showing so much sadness, and denial.

"Ellie, did you sleep with this guy? Did you really betray me like that? Ell, I need to know, no! Look at me!" He grabs my face, forcing me to look at him. I felt horrible. "Tell me, did you sleep with him?" Jason shouts, his breath reeking of alcohol, his shouts making me flinch a little, only feeling regret when i hear his voice, and see the sad tears stream down his face.

I swallow the growing lump in my throat, and nod.

"I'm s-sorry." I try to speak, my voice barely audible. But Jason understood, because he lets go of my face, and collapses to the ground, slamming his body into the wall, whispering words like "It always happens.. It always happens." before putting his hand over his face. The Luke-look-alike stands awkwardly to the side, debating on what to do. Then, somehow, realization hits us both in that moment. Our eyes meet, and widen at the same time: We hadn't used a condom. So, here my story begins, in a bedroom, at a party, with my boyfriend and some stranger i had had unprotected sex with. This is where everything came to me at once, all the pain, loss, regret, and the sense of wanting the one person who could hold me tight, and tell me everything was alright, and making me actually believe it. The one person who could possibly comfort me in this moment.

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I slowly trailed behind Jason, walking out of the loud, and obnoxious house. Once in his truck, Jason finally looks at me, though the hurt, and disappointment was still strong in his eyes. Along with anger. "Do you regret it?" He asks, softly. I nod. But i didn't, i didn't regret it one bit. I needed that escape, at least for a little while. I needed some sort of Luke back, even if it wasn't really him, and just some look-alike. I needed it, and i got it. But i did regret the pain i had put Jason through, that was the honest truth.

"But..... But not for the reasons you think, Jason. I regret it only because i hurt you. I hurt you, just like he hurt me. I turned into the same monster. I'm sorry, Jason. I don't love you, i only love one person, and you're not him." I truthfully say, still a bit tipsy. "Please, just take me home." he nods, though his eyes darken as if falling into some dark pit of hurt and anger. I'll admit it, this was the first time I was frightened by Jason, the first time he's ever been this way. Let me tell you, if i could go back in time, i would tell myself to go far, far away from Jason, because he was certainly not who I thought he was. He was another monster, only worse. If i could go back in time, I would tell myself that this would result in one big, big mistake. One of the biggest i'll regret.

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*

Jason has missed three turns you have to make to arrive at my house.

"Uhmm.... Jason? Please, just take me home. I want to go home." I say, slightly choking on my own words. He looks at me, the same dark anger burning fiercely in his eyes.

"well, think about it. You've already told your parents you're staying the night at a friend, am I right? Probably best if you don't go home drunk and drugged up." his voice was low, and husky. I used to find it sexy, and attractive, but now it scared me, reminding me of some creepy old pedophile. I wanted to yell at him, say i wasn't "drugged up," or "drunk" But i knew i was, and he knew It too.

"Oh. O-okay, but i'll just sleep on the couch." I reason. Without taking his eyes off the road, he replies, 'Maybe", and the rest of the car ride was silent.

When we arrived at his apartment, I try to smoothly avoid going anywhere near Jason, and easily slip into house. I wasn't so lucky. As soon as he was out of his car, he was at my side, hand dangerously tight on my arm.

"Uhm... Mind loosening it a bit." I nervously chuckle, trying to pull my arm free. He looks at me. "You don't get an opinion, or choice. Whores like you get nothing." Jason mumbles, angrily throwing the door open. I was no whore! I wanted to shout it at the top of my lungs, but somehow I knew that would just make matters worse. So, I didn't say anything at all. Once we were inside, Jason threw me to the ground, as if i amounted to nothing. This was a new side of him. No, I had no clue who this person hovering above me was. "J-Jason. Please stop! What's going-" I was cut off by a sudden pain coming from his hand furiously grabbing the hair at the back of my head, and yanked me off the ground. The pain forced a piercing shriek to come out of my mouth.

"You see, Elizabeth, you're just another whore that no one wants. No one will ever love you. Not a damaged toy like you." Jason growls, slapping me hard, then slamming his fist into my cheek, right before throwing me, hard, into the wall. Now I understood, understood why he was always on everyone's good side, why i was the only one stupid enough to get involved with him, stupid enough to develop a relationship with him. Jason Macken was abusive. I scream in pain, clutching my face. Tears kept overflowing out of my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to force them down. It wasn't just the pain pounding throughout my body, it was the pain coursing through my heart, the pain I've gotten so used to. Believe it, or not, Jason's words cut like knives.

"J-J-Jason... S-stop." I try, finding no way to stop him. He grabbed me by my hair again, and threw me down the stairs to his basement, also known as his bedroom. And somehow I knew. I knew that this whole night was a mistake, and I was about to get raped.