A Reason

Chapter 30

Since I was young girl I never thought happy endings existed, I thought they were just that, something in a fairy tale from far far away. Happy endings seemed much grander and much more definitive; Snow White and Cinderella, they were happy ever after. I always just assumed my life would be Miserably-ever-after, that seemed to be my story. Always waiting for the next battle.

The roads that lead me here were dark, filled with horrors and nightmares I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies. I faced fears that you hope no one else ever has to suffer through because you know long you were stuck there and how hard it was to actually get through it. It took years, and more money that most can afford. It took strength I didn't know I had and more courage than I ever thought I needed.

And now it was all over, and I hadn't had an episode for years, thinking about what I went through, it seemed impossible. An impossible task for an impossible child.

Some things remained, didn't matter what I did you can't get rid of scars, both the physical copies on my body and mental one forever in my head. I have never, and will never, go swimming again. I will never touch alcohol, doesn't matter who asks me. I'll go out with friends and they can drink, and I'll look after them and make sure they don't do anything stupid.

I'll be the control that my friends don't know they need. The only reason I understand it is because I've been on the other end for so long that I can't not think about it. Like a reflex engraved into a skull.

I didn't stick dance out, I dropped out after a year and went into psychology, that's one of what Doctor Logan said I needed to study to get into the line of work I wanted. I realised I wanted to help people like me, I wanted to understand the mind like Doctor Logon does, because then maybe if some poor soul goes through something like what I did, I could help them.

I was never very good at science but I studied hard every day, and Blake and Elliot and Dylan all helped me. More often than not now I stay at their place. The four of us sharing the little flat playing video games and listening to music. I got a part time job at the bar that Blake works at, I hate the job and hopefully I'll move to a better one someday far away from the alcohol but for now it's paying for my uni and study guides I need to buy for it.

I remember when I first told the guys that I was staying they were so happy, I didn't tell them straight away, I texted them asking to meet me at the pub and they came expecting to see me go but then we all had a lovely meal and celebrated. Even Doctor Logan stayed for that.

Marcus and Amy got married, their wedding photos are stunning and the ceremony made me cry, not that I'd ever admit that to them. I'm so happy for them. They're a slightly miss-matched couple but they love each other so much and I'm glad Marcus is happy. He got his happily ever after too. They've been married for two years now and Amy's on her way to give birth to a wonder little boy, and I can't wait to spoil that kid rotten.

Kids will never be in my future, I was unable to carry a child after what happened, but that child will be in my future, and I'll love him as though he was my own. And if anything happens to Marcus or Amy then I'd take him as my own in a heartbeat.

I've broken up with Blake a total of seven times within the past five years since Doctor Logan cleared me to stay, but we always find a way back to each other. I need Blake and even though he can piss me off sometimes, he's mine.

I'm thinking about all this right now, mostly because I have too, school reunions work that way. They make you think, most people reminisce about happy moments, prom, first kisses, friends they've not seen in years. But even as I child I wasn't most people. My memories from my school days were hard to stomach, only made better by the boy I later got to know.