A Reason

Chapter 28

Leaving Elliot's was hard. Hardest thing I've done for a while. Because I knew that as soon as I left there was a possibility that I wasn't coming back, I knew it, they knew it, we all knew that this could be the last time.

It took me a while to pluck up the courage to say goodbye to them. I walked up to Elliot first and smiled. I didn't like goodbyes, I was never really that good at them "See you around then, I guess."

He smiled and scratched his head, but his eyes flashed with emotion – sadness. "Shit Myra." He mumbled "This is harder than I thought."

I snorted, my smile wavering "No one said it would easy."

He rolled his eyes "Don't get all philosophical on me."

My smile returned "I never change."

He threw his arms around me pulling me close to him "We wouldn't have it any other way, Myra."

After Elliot it was Dylan, I tuned to him with a straight face, not knowing what to say to one of the boy I have kissed multiple times this week.

For someone who has emotional issues so strong I sure have kissed a lot this week...

"Dyl, I..." Trailing off I looked down. I didn't know what to say to him.

"Come here." He said and pulled me close to him. I smiled giving him a hard squeeze "This isn't goodbye Red."

"Maybe not." I said allowed, but inwardly added: But maybe this is it...

After Dylan there was only one. Not any one, but the one. Who else but Blake? I came back to this town avoiding him, too scared to face up to what I had did two years ago. Heck, I still haven't told him the truth about why I did what I did but maybe I didn't have too.

He had forgiven me without knowing. Selflessly he came back.

I looked up to Blake and I saw everything that I wasn't, everything that I aspired to be. He's been a good friend when I needed it, he been a sparring partner when I needed to fight and he supported me even when I pushed him away.

He's stood by me even when I asked him not to and maybe that's why we're still here. Because Blake never lost faith in me, in us. He always knew that we was something great.

If there was any reason to stay at all it would be him.

It would be him and it would be Elliot and Dyl and Marcus, and even Amy. It would be everyone who I've passed on the street and every person in my dance class.

Because there isn't just one reason to keep going, to keep living, to keep breathing.

Sure, two years ago, my life was a living hell, but even then there were reason to carry on I just refused to see them. The reason stayed with me through therapy and they have only increased by coming back, seeing them all over again.

But I never needed to see them. I knew the reasons to carry on every day through therapy. Maybe that's why I was okay with Doctor Logan all those years ago, because he didn't see a lost cause he saw the possibility for me to continue where others didn't.

Those reasons lived with me through every session, every breakthrough and every step back. Every pill that I took for the sake of improving. Every lecture I suffered. Every nurse I rejected for treating me like a worthless, brainless zombie trying to find the next hit that would eventually end my suffering.

I carried the weight of what I had been through for too long to understand how to share it. Too stuck in my ways until Doctor Logan threw me overboard and I was forced to swim back in deep waters.