Who Even Cares [Bio Book]

133. where tf have i been lately

[I had to save this in my drafts because for some reason it's hard for me to talk about idk]

okay first off the gif is moving to the song i'm listening to atm

anyway, I promised I'd explain my whereabouts lately since everyone has been so worried (not)

So I'm not sure if anyone noticed or cared but I've been going through some stuff in the last week. If you noticed, my last chapter in this book was called "shots before disneyland" so obviously since then I've been going through some stuff.

Alright so I'm pretty sure everyone knows, but just incase someone doesn't, I'm iatrophobic and trypanophobic (basically a major fear of both doctors and needles but it runs much deeper than that)

But anyway, on Saturday, my mom actually took me to go do it. The whole situation, and more so, my mom's reaction to it really pissed me off. That's not what people are supposed to do.

So the whole thing started because I just wasn't talking on the way up (I had my music lesson first actually) but I wasn't talking. And my mom was like "are you really mad because of this?" I told her I was nervous.

She told me "well don't be nervous." It's not that easy. If it was just that easy I'd be able to go through life a lot better than I have been.

Anyway, she started yelling at me about all this stuff and I honestly don't remember what she was saying, I was really trapped in my own head and I was to the point where I didn't know what was going on.

Anyway at one point, she started yelling about how she's supposed to be more understanding because she says she's tried everything.

YOU HAVE NOT TRIED EVERYTHING MOM.

If she had really tried "everything," she would've figured out something that works. And the she was like "the only understanding that would work for you would be for me to tell you it doesn't have to happen."

That would be nice, but she doesn't actually believe I'm dumb enough to think that would happen under their roof, does she?

There must be some other way or something I could do to get this done without getting triggered, you would think? But no. They literally got rid of every other way to do it. And even if they didn't, we're not fucking rich so we can't do anything like that anyway, even if they hadn't gotten rid of all other ways....

So then, after that, my mom asked "after you get your shot do you want to go get ice cream?"

she was being sarcastic.

I don't respond to sarcasm, sorry. I never have and I never will. Anyway, I told her that, and she didn't say anything to me. After that I kinda had to start pulling myself together because we were like five minutes from my class. I'm shocked that I didn't melt down in my class fjfjturifj

Anyway, after my class we went to go pick up my pictures from my recital back in August and then we went to this little store real quick to get some drinks which gave me time to calm down but of course I started up again.

And it happened, and I freaked out.

Fortunately, the nurse was pretty understanding about my situation. There were no chairs and there was NO way I was going to do that shit standing up because I'd pass out so I was allowed to sit down.

I overheard her tell my mom that her sister has the same problem so I guess that's why she understood it, unlike EVERY OTHER NURSE I'VE EVER COME ACROSS IN MY LIFE.

And my mom was literally pissed off at me every second until it was over. What the hell?

But anyway, I just want to get this shit out of me. I've been having stomach problems ever since I got it which I admit is weird but still.

And my dad was really annoying the whole night after we got home. He wouldn't drop the subject even though it was really triggering me and I kept asking him to stop and he wouldn't. It was NOT fun. So I really just needed some time to just be alone over the weekend. It was hard :/

10-11-17