Amnesia (Camren)

Chapter Thirty-Four: Love Me or Leave Me, Part Three

"Well...A few months back, Normani and I got Lauren to tell us about what happened to you and her after that week of bliss you had in Miami. She may have accidentally let slip that she had remembered kissing Lucy and that's why you didn't get your chance then."

It all made sense now. The way she pulled away from me when she left me at the beach. The way she had distanced herself. The way she had left me stranded at the karaoke bar. How could I be just so stupid? I knew she was hiding something. I just never figured she would hide something so important as that.

However, if she had all her memories now, then she remembered every single thing I ever did to her. She knew of all our psychological warfare. She knew about all the times I told her to fuck off. All the times I grabbed her heart and squeezed it in my hand until there was nothing left. She knew how much of a monster I was.

I didn't blame her for running or if she took away her forgiveness for me which she had given to me months ago. She had every right to be hurt and not want anything to do with me. I didn't deserve it. After all I had done in order to try to win her back, I didn't deserve it. I could never compensate for my sins with a few things. I wasn't suitable for her and she was better off without me. I knew the day would come. I just hoped it would have come later, so much later.

"Mila? Are you still there? Can you hear me?"

I lost the ability to breathe, my lungs only getting shallow breathes as the panic settled in. I was getting a panic attack. My world was starting to spin with the knowledge that I had finally been successful. I had completely broken Lauren Jauregui. It never was my intention. I never wished to hurt her. In my struggle to not make her a part of all my problems, I immersed her into them until she had crushed under the weight of them.

"Mila? For fuck's sake. Mila! Fuck."

The reality of the whole situation was breaking me and I couldn't find a way to breathe. It was so hard to get oxygen into my chest. I could feel it tightening from the endeavor of having to fight the panic attack. My body fought with my mind trying to get it to comply with the requirements that came with staying alive--mainly breathing.

"I think she is having a panic attack. No. She hasn't had one in forever. I can't get her to respond. Call her mom. I'm going to stay on the phone until I know someone is there with her. Hurry."

I held onto my chest trying to find a way to breathe. I had to find a way, but it was useless. My mind wouldn't give it a rest as it panicked on and on about losing a certain green-eyed girl. After all the work I had put into myself to make it all better, I was about to lose her anyway. Why did I fool myself into thinking it would be possible?

"Mila if you can hear me, I just want you to know that you're worth it. You're worth something to me. You've made so much progress in these past months. You even made the effort to speak to your family and management about it. Something the younger you would have never done. I take pride in you Walz. Even if this is the end of the road with Lauren, just remember that you fixed yourself, not just for her but for yourself."

__________

My eyes fluttered open. Above me, the ceiling was not my ceiling, which meant I was not in my room. Where was I? I groaned as I tried to get up. The worst thing to do. My chest felt like an elephant and its entire family was sitting on my chest.

"Shit," I muttered hoarsely. My mouth was a landfill of cotton balls. I couldn't get enough saliva to coat the inside of my mouth so I could speak properly. I looked around my surroundings and saw that I was in a hospital room with lots of bright lights. I spotted that table thing that had wheels so you could move it over your bed to eat just a little out of my reach. It had water on it which I needed badly so I could do away with the feeling of cotton balls in my mouth.