Amnesia (Camren)

Chapter Thirty-Five: No Peace, Part Two

Lauren

With a cigarette dangling from my lips, I sat in my living room, staring at the TV screen, reminiscing and drowning in feelings I didn't know existed anymore. Bitterness was stewing within me for the crap Camila and I had pulled over the years, including this past year where I had become this helpless puppy; needing and wanting her attention as if she had never wronged me or torn me from limb to limb.

The more I stopped drinking and remained sober, I realized how much I missed her and the way she had made me feel. She had taken care of me, she had made my birthday so memorable and made it all about me that day. She had also gone along with my sexual needs even though she tried to run. And had even let Lucy blindside me with lies. I had been manipulated by my former lover because she had hated Camila once upon a time. I wanted to be mad at her for doing that, but she was protecting me. She was letting me figure it out.

Out of everyone that I held near and dear to me, she was the one person who had not reached out to me. Did she know what was going? Did she know that I had my memories back? Did she know what Dinah was doing?

Of course she knew. Those two were thick as thieves. She had to know, didn't she? Did she care enough to come find me? Did she care enough to tell me she wouldn't break me again?

No. She didn't. Why? Because she wasn't here. Because she didn't care. She never cared and that's why we were in this predicament. Bitter, party of one.

I clenched my teeth as I held in the smoke I had inhaled from the cigarette. I slowly let it out.

"You know, one of these days you're going to regret it."

My heart hammered inside my chest and squeezed at the small scare I just had upon hearing Ally's voice. How had she gotten in here without me hearing her?

Without turning around to face her, I said, "Yeah, well...When that day comes you can tell me 'I told you so'. Until then, I'm going to keep smoking to keep the rasp in my voice."

I took a drag from the cig, immediately pushing the smoke back out through my nose. Since Ally was here, it was time to put the cigarette out. I was polite enough not to smoke around her. It felt wrong doing it. I think because she was like our second mom.

"That's not what I was talking about, but yeah you'll regret that one too when you're trying to chase after your kids."

I hummed and placed the tip of my tongue against the roof of my mouth to make a clicking sound. I did this for a few minutes waiting for the dreaded conversation. I had heard it a million different ways already. Camila is the one for you. Give her a chance. She's trying.

Well not enough apparently.

"You think you know everything, Lauren, but you really don't. There is so much you decide to ignore when it's staring you in the face. I wish it wasn't so. You're so bright and strong. But you let other people whisper in your ear and persuade you otherwise. You let them tell you that what you're seeing is just an illusion when it's the opposite." Ally sighed and relaxed against the kitchen island in my kitchen as she continued to speak. "At the end of the day it's your decision. I know that. Dinah may not know that. That's okay though. She only has your best interest at heart. She loves you, kid. We all do. So don't be too rough on her. We never wanted this to happen. Even though we all had different ideas when this started, we knew the clock started counting down the day--" Ally bit her lip. "That's not the point to this. I just want to say one last thing before I leave. Your heart--it knows the truth. It has never steered you wrong before. So why don't you try to listen to it one more time before you make your decision?" With a soft smile, Ally came over and kissed the top of my head. She nudged me gently.