It's You

XXII

I almost moan in anticipation, once the bathtub is filled with hot water at last. I put a glass of wine down on the tiled floor long enough to take off my clothes. I fold them neatly and put them away, before climbing in and sinking deep into the water. I reach for my wine and take a sip. Candlelight an incense. Closing my eyes, I rest the back of my head against the tub and sigh, feeling content. Mm... heaven!

After too long I finally have some time for myself. Aster and Kai will be staying with my parents for a whole week. While I love my children with all my heart, after everything that's been going on, I need to relax. 

However, I can't completely stop myself from thinking. Lindsey called me last night after he saw his parents, telling me it didn't go very well. It was to be expected. I don't know how am I ever going to get back into their good graces again. I broke their son's heart, I kept his children - their grandchildren - away, I then broke the heart of their other son, I crashed that goddamn wedding. It wouldn't surprise me if they never wanted to see or talk to me in their life.

Then the doorbell rings. I'm not expecting anyone. Thinking they might go away, I stay still as if the person on the other side of the door could hear me moving around in the bathtub... Nope. The doorbell rings twice this time and I guess, I have no other choice but to get out. With a heavy sigh, I stand up and carefully climb out, reaching for a towel. Drying myself off quickly, I pull down my nightgown over my head and hurry to the door.

It's Alan. What the hell is Alan doing here? I shouldn't open the door. I really seriously should not. 

"I can hear you, Steph."

Shit. 

Taking a deep breath, I turn the key and open the door. Alan and I are face to face. I swallow uneasily, unable to look at him any longer. I clear my throat and attempt to speak, but... I don't know what to say. He came here, so he should talk.

"I'm sorry I came unannounced." He scratches the back of his head, saying that. "I just..."

Okay, so this is awkward and painful for the both of us. 

"Come in." I tell him, biting my lip. I should have asked him to leave instead, I think.

Giving me a look as if asking, are you sure, Alan enters my apartment and I close, then lock the door, leading the way to the living room. We sit down, great distance between us. Suddenly, I remember I'm wearing nothing but a nightie that barely covers my ass, so I excuse myself and go to put on at least a robe as well.

"I heard you've made quite a scene at Lindsey's wedding."

"Is that what you truly want to talk about?" I ask and Alan shakes his head.

"I simply don't know where to begin or what to even say. The thing is... I... I miss you, Steph. I wanted to see you."

"We broke up." I remind him and probably myself as well.

"I know, but... well, I've been thinking about it and us for the past few weeks. Maybe we can make this work, Steph? What do you think?"

I certainly wasn't expecting that. 

"I'm not sure what to say to that, Alan. Do you honestly think that's a good idea?"

"What I think is that we could give this another try. Don't you think our relationship is worth it? I still love you, Stephanie..." His blue eyes focus on me and I go quiet again. 

"Alan, I crashed Lindsey's wedding. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

Sighing, he nods. "I know, but I don't see him here with you. You're not together, are you?" God... his voice is so full of hope. 

"We're not." I shake my head and it's true, Lindsey and I aren't back together. Yet. 

As soon as the words leave my mouth, Alan scoots over closer to me, grasping my hands in his, he brings them up to his lips. "Just give me a chance."

"Alan, you shouldn't be asking me that. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one, who lied to you. It should be me asking you for forgiveness and second chances."

"Honestly, I don't care. I just want to be with you, Steph. I shouldn't have broken us up in the first place, I should have fought for you-"

What the hell is going on this evening? Alan is cut off mid sentence and I'm up on my feet, looking through the peephole, checking who has just rung the bell.

Okay. This could go very very wrong. 

"Lindsey? I wasn't expecting to see you tonight." 

Before saying anything, Lindsey hugs me with one arm and kisses me. "Hello to you too." Smiling, he adds. "I thought we could have dinner together, maybe try and talk without having a fight." He holds up a takeout bag and a bottle of wine.

"I'm not getting that chance, am I?" Alan's voice comes from behind me. 

Lindsey stills. His eyes on me, he's staring intently. "Stevie?"

"It's nothing. Alan's leaving." I tell him, then turn around. "I'm sorry. Really. We just weren't meant to be, Alan."

He doesn't say anything, when he leaves. 

"Would you like to explain to me what the hell is going on?" Lindsey raises his eyebrow, his arms crossed. 

"Nothing's going on. I didn't know Alan was coming. He wanted to talk."

"What about?" 

"I'm not doing this in the hallway, Lindsey."

"What were you two talking about?" He repeats, but I stand my ground. "Fine. Then I'm leaving."

"Oh my God, you are not serious!" I throw my hands up in the air. 

Lindsey scoffs and stomps down the hallway. I stare at his back in disbelief.