It's You

XIII

Shit. Shit! SHIT!

We're a pair of idiots, Stevie and I! I shouldn't have kissed her and she sure as hell shouldn't have kissed me back, especially the way she did. I just couldn't help myself. Now I know Stevie still loves me too and there was no holding back. Words is one thing, I always seek confirmation and reassurance in actions.

It would have been fine if we were able to pull away. We were completely caught up in the moment and Alan caught us. I don't know what he must think, but it leaves Stevie and I no choice but to tell Alan the truth. The whole truth. I don't know how to do it though. He's going to be crushed, he's going to hate me. I mean, only hours earlier he told me, he's planning on proposing to Stevie!

Wait... Have I subconsciously sabotaged it? Have I ruined my brother's relationship without actually intending to do it? God... I'm getting a headache. I need to go down and see what's going on, but it's as if my legs are paralyzed. But I can't leave Stevie to deal with this on her own; I was the one, who began talking about my feelings, I was the first one to kiss her.

The trip downstairs takes a lot longer than usual. I catch a glimpse of Stevie, Alan and Kristen occupying their seats and I frown. What the hell? I thought by now Alan would have gotten behind the wheel and left, unable to stand the presence of either Stevie or myself.

Taking in a deep breath, I step outside as well and sit down, avoiding eye contact with anyone around the table. Kristen seems oblivious, Alan looks angry and Stevie's trying to lock eyes with him, but much like myself, Alan's gaze focuses on everything but her. I take my unfinished bottle of beer and when I put it down again it's almost empty. I clench and loosen my hands, my knee is bouncing and I'm close to biting off my lip, I'm so freaking anxious. 

"I'm going for a walk." Alan announces and gets up from his chair. 

"Are you sure that's a good idea? It's dark and you've been drinking."

"I spent all of my summers here, I'm not going to get lost. If you care." Alan glares at Stevie, who casts her eyes down, fidgeting with her rings. "Care to join me, brother?"

Uh... red flag! "Sure." I try to sound nonchalant as I shrug and go inside to get a jacket. Jesus Christ I shouldn't be going with him. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know." Alan shrugs. "To the woods maybe?"

"Come on, Alan. I know your pissed off, but you don't have to murder me!" I'm only half joking if I'm honest. "We can talk this out. There's a good reas-"

"Shut up. Just shut the fuck up." Alan cuts me off and we continue on his chosen path for a while longer, not a word spoken between us.

With my head down, my hands in the front pockets of my jeans, I trail slightly behind my brother, following wherever it is he wants to go and I am actually saying a silent prayer to whoever sits up there in heaven. You can't possibly know what's going on in the head of a man who's been scorned.

"What makes Stephanie so special?" Alan asks me at last. Although, I'm not quite sure what he means. "I've introduced you to my girlfriends before, some of them were younger, in brilliant shape, maybe even better looking than Steph, but she's the only one I've ever considered marrying and you do that?! When I asked you to make an effort, I meant you should talk to her, ask her things, get to know her better! And what do you do? You put your filthy hands on her!"

I really think Stevie and I both should be present for this conversation, but I don't want to lie even more to Alan. Keeping my mouth shut altogether could work, but he's going to get even madder and it's not going to end well.

"Stevie and I haven't just met."

Alan stops and turns around abruptly. "Excuse me?"

Sighing, I nod my head. "We didn't want you to know. Contrary to what you might now think, Stevie does care a great deal about you. She knew the truth would hurt you."

"Stevie?"

"It's... it's my nickname for Stephanie." I see my brother frown, his arms folded. "We met each other about six years ago."

"Why the hell did you lie to me then? Who cares if you two know each other!" 

"I'm sure you would have cared about it if we had told you. Stevie and I were a couple. We dated briefly, then she left me." This is where I'm going to stop. The rest is up to Stevie to tell Alan or for both of us together.

"That's it?" Alan laughs dryly. "That's the whole big fucking story?" I remain with my mouth shut. "What's important is that she left you. That's what I care about. However, it doesn't explain why I saw you two kissing." 

Swallowing uneasily, I say. "I kissed her. Just..." Shrugging. "We started talking, it was a moment of weakness and I kissed her." Lame. So freaking lame. 

How hasn't Alan worked it out that Aster and Kai are mine yet?

"She didn't seem very eager to push you away."

"I don't know what to say, Alan. We've been drinking... neither of us was thinking straight. I swear to you that's the first, the only and last time it happened."

"Damn right it is." Alan gives a curt nod of his head. "I changed my mind. I don't want you anywhere near Steph, you hear me? It's your problem you let her go, when you had her. You're stuck with Kristen's bony ass and it's your own fault. I know you don't love her and you proposed to please our parents, but it still was a decision you made to be with her, so be with her. Don't get any ideas about Stephanie. Understood?"

My jaw clenched, I nod. "Yes."

"If it happens again, I assure you, we won't be able to talk it out." He echoes my words and I am actually in disbelief that he's let me off the hook so easily. 

I'm sure that will change, when Alan is let it on everything else that I've decided to leave out for the time being.