Under control JB & JM ( #watty2017 )

00:74

It was really awkward, I won't deny it but at the same time, for once, I was not regretting something I've done. I knew I came here for a reason and knew that he is the only person I know that could help me.

"Who is it, Justin?" I heard a female voice from far yelling and my heart broke a little.

Why did it broke? I honestly have no idea. For whatever this woman is, I should be happy that Justin finally found someone that could really love him the way I couldn't. He is such a good person that deserves better than someone like me.

Or at least that's what I tried to make myself believe. I was so selfish. Way more selfish than I thought I was. I was sad seeing him with someone else even though I didn't even see her before because at one point, this man was mine.

No he wasn't.

Justin was never mine and I was never his. The feelings that I feel with Jason and completely the opposite of what I felt with Justin.

With Justin everything was so emotionless. I did everything because I had to not because I wanted to. I kissed him because I had to not because I wanted to.

I tried to hard to force myself to put Justin on top of Jason and kill Jason's feelings from my heart and replace them by true love that I feel for Justin and as much as I tried as much as giving up felt good. I tried so hard to love Justin but it was never the same I felt with Jason. Justin was more of a run away from Jason that everything I did with him felt weird and emotionless.

It's like we always go for whoever makes us feel pain and pick them over someone that could treat us way better because at the end of the day, we know that we are happier with that person but why? Why do we always go for whoever bring our lives pain? Why do we go for pain then cry when we get hurt?

Every part of my past showed me how much me and Jason shouldn't be together but nothing in me was capable of forgetting him. Everything in me wanted him back and it felt good having him back until he took me with opened arms and broke up in pieces then left me behind trying to glue myself back together. And even after I'm glued, I go searching for him again.

This is me.

No.

This is love.

"Listen, I'm sorry for bothering you. I know I shouldn't be here that late but..." right before I could say anything else, I saw a female figure standing in a distance. Only her shadow showed but I knew she was looking at us. She probably wondered who the hell the girl my boyfriend is standing with.

Boyfriend? I mentally scoffed. He moved on and got a girlfriend way better than me that deserves him and treat him like a normal human and not just a way to move on from her past.

Right before I could continue what I was saying, she walked closer to us and looked at me with so much envy and hate even without knowing who I was or what I wanted. She looked furious. But she was beautiful. She had blond hair and blue eyes, beautiful just like the book says.

"Who are you?" She rudely asked and I was not offended. In her place, I would have done worst. At that moment, a small regret hit me in the face. Why did I come here?

"I'm..." what am I? Who am I to be here? "I am Lindsay. Uhm..." I looked at Justin for help but he was just still standing there, looking at me, not sure if I was really standing there or not.

"What do you want Lindsay?" As much as I was waiting for him to ask that question, as much as when he asked it, I felt like I was unwanted and had no right going there.

"It's about your brother...he...he is lost for like...a couple of days and I just have a bad feeling about it." I simply explained and the girlfriend scoffed in sarcasm and shook her head in annoyance. I was not wanted here, leave, I told myself.