THE WALKING DEAD IMAGINES

"i can't stop thinking about you and it's killing me" (carl g.)

plot- reader and carl struggle with distancing themselves from each other

word count- 1786

warnings- none

I glance over to see Carl walking out of his house with little Judith resting in his arms. Frustration rises within in me at the mere sight of him. That boy has caused me enough confusion to last me a lifetime, no matter how short it may be.

As I sit on the porch swing of Maggie, Glenn and I's house, I begin thinking about all of the interactions between Carl and I. From the first time we met, up until this very day. We've shared negative experiences, positive ones and ones that I never thought we could come back from. And in a way, I guess we didn't come back from the last one.

A couple months ago, Carl and I both acknowledged that there's something between us, something much deeper than friendship. But we also acknowledged that this world is so unpredictable and losing each other would hurt far too bad. It was just better for us to distance ourselves in order to prevent any pain because we've both been through too much of it to endure any more.

"Hey hon." I hear a familiar voice say. I turn my head slightly to see Maggie, her smile immediately lightening my mood slightly. She's been there for me through it all, her and Glenn. It all started back at the farm when I showed up with the group. I was a little girl, my mind still developing and trying to decipher what was happening around me. Maggie saw me and knew I needed help. She knew I needed someone who wasn't going to just leave.

"Hey Maggie." I mumble tiredly. I've been tired a lot lately. I'm tired of fighting, tired of waking up every morning to our depressing reality, but most of all I'm tired of walking around pretending that I don't love Carl with everything in me.

"You thinkin' about him?" she asks.

"No." I lie. I don't want to worry her anymore than I already have. She's always worrying about me.

But she sees right through my facade. "I know you're lyin'."

I turn to her once more and see a sad smile painted on her face. I find myself nodding and looking ahead of me at our little community that we've built. It's strange. Looking at this place as an outsider you'd think we're all weak and privileged. And in a way a lot of the Alexandrian's were that way when we showed up. But as time has gone by, I look at these people and I see them for who they truly are. I've heard their stories and know that they've gone to hell and back just to stay alive one more day.

"I miss him." I admit, my voice cracking slightly. I fucking miss Carl more than anything. I ache for his presence, his voice, his touch.

I suddenly feel a hand overlap mine. My eyes travel downward to see Maggie's hand over top of mine. Something as simple as this gesture is enough to comfort me right now. All I really need is someone to just be there. That's all.

"He misses you." she states matter of factly. I can't help the scoff that escapes my lips. "He does. That boy loves you Y/N. You might not be able to see it all of the time but he does. He's hurting without you."

I want to believe Maggie, I do but there's something preventing me from doing so. I just can't fully accept that Carl is hurting more than I am. He seems so much more put together than I do.

"You think so?" I question skeptically.

"Y/N, I know he is. Trust me."

And I do trust her. She's never given me reason not to. That's the thing about Maggie, she holds true to her promises.