Aspen
-
"Are you sure you want to do this, Aspen?" Calum eyes me with concern, leaning closer to look me in the face.
"I think if I ever want to let go of what I feel towards him, I have to talk to him. If he's behind bars, he can't get to me." I look at Calum for a slight second before looking back at the empty road ahead of us.
After a while of not having anything to say, Calum rests back in his seat, leaning his head back on the headrest behind him. My eyes scan my surroundings, looking for anything to amuse me in the silence. Nothing but two fields on either side of the road to look at. How very very boring...
Then, I remember what was about to happen just a few minutes ago. How very very not boring. My senses become more alert as I imagine what Calum could do to me, what he was about to do to me. I pull my bottom lip into my mouth, chewing at the dry skin on the surface. Thinking about doing anything sexual with Calum makes me nervous, but I don't feel uneasy about it. Honestly, deciding that I do want to have sex with Calum was one of the easiest decisions I've ever had to make.
I actually surprised myself earlier at how comfortable and confident I was. I could do anything with Calum without having a care in the world. This man opens something up inside that I had no idea was there. Calum has the key to this little box within me that holds all this fire and passion. Looking at him next to me, his eyes closed and jaw clenched, I realize just how lucky I am to have found him again. Me and Calum... We're going to go through a lifetime of experiences together, I can feel it.
Calum opens his eyes and looks at me, a smile spreading across his lips as he realizes I was staring.
"Eyes on the road, dude. You don't want to kill us, do you?" We both chuckle as he closes his eyes again. "Then, I'll never get to finger you."
I practically choke on thin air.
-
The shoes I'm wearing feel like they're getting heavier as I approach the detention center. I know it's anxiety weighing me down, but I watch my feet as I walk anyway. I told Calum to stay in the car while I saw Raff. It didn't feel right parading my new boyfriend in front of Raff when I'm going to try and tell him to stay out of my life.
Getting through the metal detectors and the front desk was a cinch, I felt as anxious as I did in the car on the way here. But now that I'm sitting here, waiting for the correctional officers to bring Raff to the visitors center, the anxiety hits me so hard, I want to throw up. Instead, I set my head in my arms on top of the little table some lady from the staff put me at.
Not a minute goes by before I feel Raff sit across from me. I still don't bring my head up, it's too hard. I don't want to face him. But, I do. I pull my back up straight and look him in the eye.
He speaks right away, "Aspen..."
"What are you doing here, Raff..." I cut him off before he can say anything to me. Even though I already know what he's here for, I want to hear him say it to me.
"I got caught stealing a hotel key. They made me fess up."
"What'd you fess up to?" I press him, knowing he'll crack sooner or later.
"You know what."
"I want to hear you say it." Our eye contact never breaks. I stare into Raff's stone cold pupils until they don't hold any meaning at all.
"Prostitution... Listen, I know I hurt you, Aspen-"
"Don't give yourself so much credit. The only thing I'm upset about is all the time I wasted on you." These words spew out of me like vomit, unplanned with a sour taste. I never knew I could feel this contradicted. Confrontation is my worst nightmare, but telling Raff off pulls so much weight on my shoulders. It's like I'm proving to myself that I'm not the insecure girl Raff took advantage of. I'm more than a girl who gets gloomy about her appearance.
"Are you with him? That Calum guy?" Raff finally looks down at the table.
"It's really none of your business. I came here to tell you and Tommy to leave me alone. I want to move on with my life without you weighing me down." Without my permission, my voice cracks and my chin starts to wobble. Tears well up in the brim of my eyes, and I wipe them away before they can fall.
Neither of us talk for a few minutes. I start to wonder why I'm even still sitting here when Raff speaks again.
"Aspen, I have a thousand dollar bail. It's either that or six months in this hellhole. Tommy works at Wendy's and my money isn't accessible... I know I've done you wrong-"
"Are you asking me to pay one thousand dollars to help you? You can live your life in here for all I care!" I throw myself to my feet in anger. It's unbelievable what he's trying to pull, after everything he's done.
As I try to walk away, Raff grabs my arm. His desperate eyes search mine for a flash before a guard starts to yell at him for touching me. I yank my arm back.
"Go to hell." Is the only thing I let either of us say before I rush out of the visitor's center.
