loving him loving her [bokuto koutarou]

twelve;

it took waaaay too long to write this i'm so sorry :((

-

"...oh, alright," (y/n) says, giving in to him. god, the way he looked at her just then.. a whole zoo is rampaging in her stomach at this point.

"yes!" he exclaims, and surprising her, he wraps his arms tightly around her body and swings her around. "yes! yes!"

her heart is pounding, and she feels as if she could faint. she is so close to him, bokuto, her crush. she could smell him, feel his warmth, and man, is she treasuring this moment. the feeling of his large arms holding her close. it was such a simple gesture, yet she feels like she's on cloud nine.

but, it's gone too quickly.

"man, i'm so excited for this!" he sets her down, and before she knows it, his arms are away from her and fist pumping in the air, as if that little interaction never happened. but it did, and she will be thinking about nothing but it for probably the rest of her life.

"(friend's name) will be so happy!" he continues, and all (y/n) can do in response is press her lips together and stiffly nod because the moment he set her down, her happy little world was gone. he was still in love with another. her best friend. it hurts, but it's reality.

-

"oh my god! i'm so excited!" her best friend, (friend's name), exclaims as soon as she hears the news from bokuto and (y/n).

they are in (friend's name)'s room, hanging out, like usual. (y/n) lies on the bed as (friend's name) paces around the room with excitement, thinking about their future plans.

(y/n) smiles slightly at her friend's sudden enthusiastic mood, trying to remind herself that no matter how much she herself likes bokuto, (friend's name) is happy. she's happy, she's happy, she's happy. that's all that matters. push away your own feelings.

god, it's so hard to. "so, i was thinking bowling! does akaashi like bowling?"

"i'm not sure..." she trails off.

(friend's name) continues to ramble about how excited she is for this double date, and how maybe something could happen with akaashi and (y/n). (friend's name) is actually hoping for that to happen between them, but when (friend's name) voices her thoughts, (y/n) immediately gets defensive.

"he likes someone already, (friend's name). i'm not going to ruin that for them," she interrupts her friend mid-rant. how many time does she have to say this? "besides, i don't like him like that, so.."

well, she could if she stopped thinking about bokuto for five seconds, but she won't admit this to herself. not liking bokuto is impossible for her, but these feelings for him are also impossible to deal with. maybe it would be easier to like akaashi.

but you can't help who you fall in love with. unfortunately for (y/n), she happened to fall for a guy whose heart was already taken.

"that could always change," her best friend sings, and (y/n), for the first time in their entire friendship, is completely and utterly annoyed.

"i'm not going to wish akaashi unhappiness just so that i will be less lonely," she says, accidentally admitting to loneliness. "there's nothing wrong with being alone."

"oh, no no! that's not what i was saying at all," (friend's name) says, looking through her closet for something to wear as she spoke. "but.. c'mon, isn't this fun? two best friends going on a double date together! this is like.. this is like a movie or something."

"i guess... but we could always do this with someone that isn't akaashi, you know." honestly, (y/n) doesn't want to even think about dating. sure, being in a relationship could be amazing, but the only person she could imagine being happy with is taken.

"that's true..."

"but i'm not looking for a relationship anyways. no need to rush! we have all the time in the world to go on double dates!" she tries to brighten the mood.

"yeah, i know.. but this is my first serious boyfriend, (y/n)! now that i know what love feels like, i want you to experience it too," (friend's name) says and sighs. oh, but (y/n) is experiencing it, and it's painful.

"i'm fine with the way my life is right now. really." but that is a lie. (friend's name) just doesn't realize how intense (y/n)'s feelings have become.

hanging out with them both hurts. having an unrequited love hurts. why does it hurt so much? he's just a boy; (y/n) shouldn't be affected like this. he's just a dorky, loud boy. but she's in love, and she doesn't know how to stop it.