The phoenix's hypothesis - Book 1 (MxM 18+)

Chapter 54: Healing and plotting

Ethan, Mon Jun 29th 2015

"It's Tanner! I have Anthony safely in my arms but he is experiencing a panic attack. Can you calm him? I am going to hold the phone to his ear." I think this sentence will be forever engraved in my mind.

I had never loved my sadist friend as much as in that moment. Relief flooded through me at the word safe. The fact that my boy was having a panic attack didn't surprise me, I couldn't even begin to imagine what he must have gone through. Of course I began to repeat words of praise and encouragement until the sobs on the other side of the line quieted down a bit. Then I asked my angel to give the phone back to Tanner.

"Where are you?" I asked him.

"Nowhere you can join me," he replied before hanging up.

I had never hated my sadist friend as much as in that moment! I almost dialed back the number he had given me but caught myself just before I hit the call button. If Tanner didn't tell me more, he must have had his reasons. Even if I trusted my friend, it was still one of the longest half-hour of my life before I finally got a text giving me the name of a hospital. I had warned Glenn to be ready so he drove us there as quickly as he could – we even arrived before my boy! Then I had to wait there for another hour, like a lion in a cage, before I was finally authorized to see him.

As soon as the doctor finally gives me a room number, I rush into there. I can't believe my boy is here on the bed; he looks miserable, with red puffy eyes. Of course I immediately hug him tightly. Being able to touch him, hold him in my arms again is the sweetest thing in the world. I know he must have gone through hell but we will get over this together!

I am never letting him get taken from me ever again. I don't care if I have to hire an army of bodyguards to watch over him each time he leaves the apartment in the future, this boy is not getting abducted again. I make a mental note to ask Glenn to find suitable men for the job. Yes we are not even out of the hospital that I am already arranging for his safety! What would you do in my place?

I am interrupted in those overprotective thoughts when he shrieks that he cheated on me. What does he mean? I know rape victims often blame themselves, but I am not going to let him believe that being abused counts as cheating! It stings a bit when he escapes my embrace soon after though, isn't he happy to see me again? I know I will have to tread lightly around him for the time being, and that I will probably have to forget about the lifestyle for a bit, leaving him time to heal after this nightmare. He didn't even address me properly, but I let it pass.

He finally confesses he submitted to the son of a bitch who abducted him, which I knew already given the pictures I received. I have seen the marks on his back, so I don't blame him for doing what he had to do. Even more, I am kind of glad he did obey and did not get beaten more by that scumbag, in a way. What is bothering me is that it seems to trigger a whole new range of self-loathing in my boy.

I am a bit stunned when he admits he liked it though. He explains he almost had an erection but that doesn't mean anything. It is normal to have a physical reaction if the bastard did something that could give him pleasure under the right circumstances, and I don't see why I would hold that against him. Apparently, that makes him feel dirty though, which again is not uncommon in rape victims. I guess I will just have to shower him with love and affection until he sees again what a wonderful young man he is.

What surprises me the most however, is the fact that I don't manage to calm him by hugging him and whispering words of encouragement. This is the first time it doesn't work, and I have to eventually let the nurse sedate him so that he stops trashing everywhere. What has gotten into him?

The doctor eventually comes in soon after and explains to me it is very common among abuse victims to take some distance from their loved ones, as they often feel unworthy of their attention. He encourages me to take things extremely slowly, as all kinds of physical contacts, even hugs, can trigger some crisis like the one I just witnessed. Then he tells me my boy should seek professional help, and I make a mental note to call Aiden's mother a bit later during office hours. Finally he states there is a risk that Anthony was infected by the asshole that raped him, but that we won't know for sure until next month as far as HIV is concerned. He concludes by warning me against unprotected sex, as if I needed a lesson on that subject!