The phoenix's hypothesis - Book 1 (MxM 18+)

Chapter 30: Distractions

Anthony, Thu Feb 12th 2015

At first, I thought the metal rings around my cock were pretty annoying. Each time I lost myself in some thoughts about the perfect body of my Master, I would feel very constricted down there and believe me when I say it can get quite painful! But when the next wave of need for a cigarette crashed on me, it was actually quite useful to make me think about something else. Now each time I feel an overwhelming desire for a smoke, I just picture myself on my knees pleasuring him. That gets my good little soldier to swell in its cage and the discomfort resulting from it distracts me from the spiral of need for nicotine.

Speaking of having sex with my Master, it's only in my mind for now, since he decided for this stupid punishment. Yesterday evening was horrible! Way more than the physical punishment and my anxiety attack on Tuesday night. I hadn't realized how much I had become dependent on him, that I would crave so much for blowing him. I guess it's because deep down I am an addict, sex is just replacing alcohol and cigarettes. I was so sure I would be able to seduce him and make him yield! But I was very wrong when I thought he is as dependent on receiving blowjobs as I am to giving them.

I really thought I had won when I saw the budge grow in his pants yesterday late afternoon in his office. But he didn't cave in and it was actually the worst part. He was horny and didn't get any release, all of this because of me. Oh it's very noble of him to discipline himself because he made me use my safeword, his words, but none of this would have happened if I hadn't screwed up, so the initial blame lays on me. Plus I still don't understand why I panicked like this when he called me a bad boy so I don't see how he could have guessed I would have reacted like this. All in all, I don't think he did anything wrong and I hate that the punishment he decided on impact us both.

Of course the rejection stung a bit too and I couldn't help thinking he had such an easy time because I am not very good at giving head. I managed to shut those down remembering all the praises he gave me in the past. Plus he wouldn't ask for so many blowjobs if I sucked at it. When I tried to commute my sanction in something else, my Master refused but I hadn't really expected him to change his mind. I strongly hate those mental punishments, a lot more than the physical ones! But I know the reasoning behind them: they are going to help me become a better submissive by correcting my behavior. I just wish I could get to that part without having to experience them.

In the end, I managed to get through yesterday night when I spotted my Master looking at me with adoration on his face. I closed my eyes and reveled in the warm feeling it created in my chest. I still have trouble to believe such a sexy man wants me! I spent the rest of the evening focusing on how much I loved the man on whose thighs I was snuggling against, and it was enough to let me deeply relax.

The good side of this punishment is that I am not really grounded so I could spend a bit of time texting and calling my friends. I messaged Zach a lot, but caught up with Jonathan as well. I haven't seen my friend in a month, but that's not unusual since he works so much and is always busy. I have a lot of trouble not bursting out laughing when he complains Paul is always taken on Friday or Saturday nights for romantic evenings - if only he knew! In the end we agreed to try something next Thursday. I shouldn't be punished anymore and I'm hoping my Master will accept to let me go or tag along to meet him. I'll ask when he is in a good mood.

All in all, today is a bit better than the days before. With my weird technique to manage my cravings for cigarettes, I'm finally able to focus again, so I spent most of my time working on my research. Now it's time to go to the club. We had decided earlier this week we would go all the nights between today and Saturday, since I am on holiday and can sleep later in the mornings. My Master proposed to cancel tonight, but I decided against it. Even if it's probably going to be a very long evening with my stupid cock reacting to all the sexy stuff I'll see, I really want to hang around with Zach! Besides, my Master told me the punishment would end tonight after the visit at the club if I behaved properly.