The phoenix's hypothesis - Book 1 (MxM 18+)

Chapter 18: Insomnia

Anthony, Mon Jan 25th 2015

This weekend was amazing. No, amazing doesn't even begin to cover it. This was by far the best weekend of my life. First, I got to spend it with the man I am falling in love with. Then there was all this fantastic sex, three perfect dreamless nights of sleep, and lastly, I discovered that submitting to him was deeply relaxing. Not having any decisions to make, fully trusting him to take them in my place, giving him all the control... all of this calms me in a way I wouldn't have guessed. And after two years and a half of panic attacks and anxiety, serenity is most welcomed. This led to the most productive session of research I have had in a very long time on Sunday afternoon. So the rational part of my brain is happy, even if it still doesn't understand why I like surrendering to him so much.

True, there was a painful moment on Saturday, but with Ethan being the perfect Master that he is, we talked it through. It even led him to admit I was the only one on his mind, which doesn't make any sense, but I won't complain. My heart skips a beat when I remember how he told me that I was perfect enough for him. Or when I recall how he sweetly made love to me after.

I see now that it was foolish to go too far beyond my limits. I still aim at being the perfect Submissive because that's what my Master deserves, but I understand the importance of using my safewords if things go too far now. He wants to know exactly where my breaking points are to be able to adjust his dominance, and I'm thankful for that.

This morning, he made me dress in one of the shirts he bought for me on Sunday. Like all the clothes he chose, it's extremely nice, but super expensive. I don't really like that he spends so much money on me, and from what he told me, this is only the beginning. Really, after everything he made you do, you draw the line at him offering you gifts? the rational part of my brain smirks. Well I get he is earning way more than I do, and one or two presents would be okay, but too much made me a bit uncomfortable.

I abided by his rules all day, texting him when I arrived at the French high school or to ask him permission for my lunch cigarette. When he told me to get some veggies at the cafeteria, I couldn't resist replying with a text saying "Yes Daddy!" That didn't make him laugh very much though, since he answered with a cold "Please address me as Sir or Master, Pet." I apologized immediately, hoping I wouldn't get punished for this tonight. When I arrive at his home, I send him a message again, then ask him what I should do, to try to make him forget the incident. That should put him in a good mood, I hope.

Number of Ethan – 16:12 "Focus on your research if you have finished your work. I should be back around 9 and would appreciate if dinner was ready when I get home. Just order something out if you are not in the mood to cook."

I will definitely prepare something myself! I just check that he has everything I need for what I have in mind then I take a seat at the table in the living room with my notebooks. I set up an alarm on my phone, since I can completely lose track of time when I work on my research and pick my headphones. Remembering I have to ask permission, I quickly text.

Me - 16:23 "May I put on some music while I work, Master?"

Number of Ethan – 16:24 "You may."

He must not be too mad at me for the Daddy incident then, I decide. I quickly scroll my iPod and settle for some quiet movie soundtrack. My mind quickly stops paying attention to the music and I concentrate on the new ideas I had. The numerous new ideas I had. It's almost as if my brain had saved its energy during the day by letting my Master in control and was unleashing all of it right now. I've never been so fast or efficient, this is an exhilarating feeling!

As expected, I don't see time fly by, and I'm soon interrupted by the alarm I had set up earlier. Time to cook dinner for my Master! I'm going for beef stroganoff, so I begin to peel then chop an onion and some mushrooms before searing tips of beef in the pan. The meal is gently stirring and I have just launched the rice cooker when I receive a text from my Master saying he is on his way back. I quickly dress the table then think about how I should greet him home.