Stars eternal without the night

Despair

She was in a dark place, a safe place. Where she didn't feel, know anything. Then she was rising up the levels of darkness into a brighter, more conscious awareness . Feyre woke up to light and had to wait a minute before her eyes adjusted to the light. She was in the town house in Velaris. In Rhysand's, no now her room. She curled up in a ball on the mattress and cried, trying to deny her reality, but she knew it the second the bond fell away that he wasn't coming back. What was she supposed to do now? Her mate, her mate was with the mother hopefully but she was left alone with all this pain. How was she to go on when he had finally healed her heart, only to break it again with no hope of it being fixed. She sobbed harder at her now endless existence without Rhys, her mate and other half of her soul. She cried and cried till finally she was overcome with exhaustion and was pulled once again into that dark place with no thoughts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feyre woke up again to voices having a conversation around her. When she woke up enough to understand what they were saying she realized they were talking about her.

"She needs time to rest and heal, it's not like last time. She lost her mate and-".

"But we need her. As High Lady she can't drop all her responsibilities-".

It's Cassian and Mor arguing about me.

"She isn't even eating Cass, do you really think telling her 'Oh we're sorry for your loss but now you have to deal with the aftermaths of a war because it's your new job. Congrats!'" Mor says sarcastically.

"Mor, I'm not saying we through her to the wolves without some help.  She is the sole ruler of the Night Court now and she can't give up everything Rhys worked hard to protect" Cassian replies.

"Cass we can't just force her into it. We don't even know if she'll be able to handle it, she isn't Rhys, with all the time he had to take up the position".

"He had to deal with grief as well so-".

"She might kill her self Cassian! She might not even want to live let alone rule!" Mor shouts at Cassian but then starts to sob.

They continue talking but I'm not listening anymore because all the things they said were true. I would never be able to be like Rhys, not now or ever. And I knew if I bore all my newly appointed responsibilities, I would mess it up.

Then fall under the weight and die.