Remembering Harry Styles

Chapter 23: Girl Problems

      Last night was great. Right when Leigh and I arrived at the arena, the directors and backstage managers treated us quickly. In my dressing room, there was a whole set of flower bouquets and chocolate gifts congratulating me. When I walked on stage I was nervous. My heart was beating fast, my palms were sweaty, and my breathing wasn’t normal. The whole crowd cheered happily. I loved reading each sign they held up with my name on it. With Leigh by my side helping me through the concert, it was one of those nights I’ll remember forever.

      But the hardest part after the concert was knowing that when I go back home, I’ll be alone for months. It was yesterday when I had a roller coaster filled emotions. When I asked for Harry’s shirt, it wasn’t because I wanted his t-shirt for no reasons at all. He took half of his shirts and sweaters with him to tour. That white t-shirt he gave me still had his scent. That scent that will still satisfy me telling me that he still exists. I hugged it close to me every night. I don’t know anymore. I miss him.

      It was hard to sleep in the middle of the night. My phone would vibrate under my pillow and startle me. At four o’clock in the morning, it’s obviously Harry calling at night in the US when it is still mid-morning here in London. He would tell me how much fun he’s having with the boys. That the fans go crazy and always ask about how I’m doing. I try my best to be happy and stay awake, but it’s hard. It’s fucking hard to try and stay full on happy and supportive when your boyfriend is on the other side of the world. It’s hard trying to go the grocery store without seeing Harry’s face and yet, another fake rumor they make up.

      Oh god, rumors are the worst. You don’t know if they're true or not. Most of the time their just gossip announcers on TV desperately seeking for attention. But then again you’re not there to see it all. It’s hard I’m telling you. It’s really hard.

      So maybe I did make a mistake to try and stay positive for Harry when he told me he was leaving. But if I wasn’t he would be disappointed and go anyway because it is his job. I can’t stop him from doing that. Just like him trying to protect me from my interview, I went anyway. That would be the same thing if I tried to make him stay. He would go.

      For the past weeks, it sucked. Having the entire flat to myself, and doing my own job as well to practice new songs I make, it gets pretty lonely. Sometimes Leigh stops by and drops off some food she cooks or bakes at home. It’s delicious. Reminds me of Harry’s cooking.

      Twisting and turning around on the sofa, Leigh sighed. “Let’s go out today, Rosie. I’m bored to death.”

      “Okay. Where shall we go on our adventure?” I asked.

      Leigh thought for a while. She was so bored at the moment that her brain couldn’t process correctly. “Want to go to the mall? I haven’t been there in ages. Kind of weird of me. You and I used to go every week end a long time ago when you had time. Fans would go crazy when they saw you.”

      I laughed, “Alright! Let me go get my car keys then let’s go.”

      “No! Let’s take the bus. Take a chance to meet new people.” Out of curiosity, since when did Leigh want to take the bus? Shrugging my shoulders, I grabbed my purse and walked out the door to the bus stop.

      The bus took a while for it to arrive on time. Leigh and I paid our fare to get in. Glancing around, I noticed that there was trash everywhere; paper cups, old dated newspapers, disgusting rotten brown and moldy banana peels. Everything was out there and I felt nauseous just looking at it. My stomach started twisted and turning, but good thing I sat next to the window to get fresh air.

      “Thank you, sir,” spoke Leigh politely.

      “Yeah, get out. Thanks for riding.” said the depressed looking bus driver. Leigh pouted and almost showed him the middle finger, but I got her out just in time before she did so.

      “That bastard deserved it! He was plain rude!” Leigh rolled her eyes.

      “I know, Leigh. But, you cannot show your finger because he was rude. C’mon now! What’s gotten into you lately? Have you been on your period for a year nonstop or what?” Leigh crossed her arms over her chest. She began to walk ahead of me. Maybe what I said was too mean. Whoops.

      “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m just tired of being alone.” Leigh whispered.

      I patted her shoulder and frowned, “I know how you feel. But don’t worry! Louis and Harry will be back in no time and we’ll both be happy again. I promise you!” Leigh shrugged her shoulders and looked at clothes when we entered the mall.

      It surprised me that Leigh didn’t talk very much. She was quiet as a mouse sneaking up to get cheese. It bothered me to see her act differently.

      My legs were getting tired from walking around. I sat down on a countertop and watched Leigh roam around the store. Once in awhile she would gather up clothes and ask for my opinion on them. To be honest, I liked them all. We had similar fashion senses. There was a male cashier that looked interested in her. He noticed that she didn’t look the best, and asked what’s wrong. Leigh made little conversation, but kept it minimum.

      “What was that about?” I asked.

      Leigh shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing. He was kind.”

      “He’s not your type. Louis’ your type!” I smiled. Leigh’s eyes traveled to the ground. From then on, I knew what the problem was. Louis was the problem. I didn’t know I was killing her every time I mentioned his name.

      We went around a couple more stores, but I didn’t buy anything. I just wanted Leigh to shop around and become her normal self which didn’t happen at all. There was a moment where Leigh clutched her stomach and begged to go the food court  to order food. I laughed and helped carried her bags.

      The food court mainly had fast food restaurants. They were all greasy and non healthy. We managed to finally choose a Mexican restaurant that looked appealing and delicious.

      Setting down our food trays on the table, Leigh took a sip of her water. She stared down hard at her burrito like it was going to start talking to her. Trust me, it isn’t fun sitting down eating lunch with your best friend that is feeling low.

      “W-We used to eat Mexican food every Friday for dinner. . .” Leigh whispered. Nearly choking on my food, I glanced at her.

      “What do you mean?” I questioned.

      A tear strolled down her cheeks. Her breathing became abnormal. Leigh laid her head on my shoulder. She tried so hard to control her emotions while we were sitting there. A couple people looked at us and stared. I smiled at them to make them stop, but they continued to stare.

      “You want to talk about it, love?” I whispered.

      She nodded, “We got into a heated argument yesterday, which then lead to the both of us throwing glassy objects at each other. It’s hard because he told me that he never loved me. That all the things he said were lies.” She cried even harder. My heart broke in half. Leigh and Louis were the cutest couple lord has ever created.

      “Everything’s going to be alright,” I reassured her, “There’s plenty more of fishes for you. Just keep swimming.”

      “No.” she whispered, “I loved him so much. Nothing is going to be alright.”

      “Then let’s go rob a fucking bank, Leigh.”

      “What?” she asked, wiping her tears off with her sleeve.

      “Yeah, let’s go rob a bank!”

      “Shut up, let’s just go home.” Leigh spoke as she rolled her eyes.

      On our way back to the flat, my stomach started twisting and turning. My throat felt like shooting whatever got inside to go out. When we got inside the flat, I threw the car keys on the couch and rushed to the nearest bathroom. I opened up the toilet seat and vomited everything out. It went from this mornings breakfast, all the way to the greasy, yet good looking Mexican food. It was disgusting.

       “Never eating that burrito again,” I whispered.