Say you won't let go

Chapter 8

Derek stopped in his tracks when he saw Meredith, her hair fell around her face and his heart raced as he watched her fumble with something in her hand. He knew she had a consult with Amelia today, he really wanted to ask her. He started to approach her when she looked up and saw him. Her eyes rimmed with red and it looked like she had been crying. His heart sank, he didn't know what to do.

"Mer," he started before she held her hand out, shaking her head vigorously. She quickly ran into a nearby exam room. He followed her out of instinct, he knew he would probably regret it but he couldn't see her hurting like that.

"Go away," she said to him, fighting back tears.

"What happened?" He asked. He began to walk toward her. She backed up as he got closer. She couldn't breathe anymore. Her heart was beating out of her chest.

"Nothing. Leave me alone, please," she begged, she started crying again.

"Talk to me, please," he begged. She pushed him away once he got into arms reach.

"Do you want to know what is wrong with me? How about I lost my husband! And the father of my children. It's not even been six months and I can't get you out of my head. How am I not suppose to feel guilty! I loved Charlie so much and I can't breathe with you looking at me like that. The way you watch me in the halls or try and make me feel better or change my life so just stop!" she cried. Her heart was hurting, she couldn't be thinking of what she was thinking. She had too much going on with her son to be thinking about someone else but she couldn't keep those blue eyes out of her head.

"Stop what?" He scoffed, not understand where this was coming from. He hadn't spoke to her since they kissed. He didn't care he was in an exam room with her. He knew if anyone walked by they could hear this but he wanted to know why she was pulling away from their friendship even if they couldn't have a romantic relationship.

"What you are right now! Your face says you're angry but the look in your eyes drives me crazy. It's wrong, I shouldn't feel like this. I loved Charlie so much, but this is something I've never felt," she had tears streaming down her cheeks, "when you kissed me the other night, it just felt so right but it was so wrong. That's why I kissed you again, because I wanted to know if I felt the way you did."

"Did you?" He asked.

"Yes!" She yelled, tears continued to fall as she sobbed.

Derek just looked at her, his heart was breaking. She knew how he felt, hell she felt the same way. He grabbed her and pulled her into an embrace. She didn't move, she just continued to cry.

"I understand. Trust me. I don't know what it is about you, but you are so different. What Rose and me had was the storybook romance but what I feel for you is indescribable," he rubbed circles through her back as he held her. She pulled back slightly, looking into his ocean blue eyes.

"I'm scared Derek, I don't want to go through what happened with Charlie. And if I fall in love again, I can't," she shook her head at him. She tried to pull away farther and he took her cheek in his hand. He wiped the tears and pulled her lips to his. It was slow and passionate, their kiss. He finally released her lips from their lock and looked at her.

"Believe in me. I can't live without you, I think I'm in love with you," he admitted. She felt her heart skips beat hearing those words. She felt the same, she knew she was falling for another man. She wanted to let the guilt go but it was hard, feeling these things for another man.

"I think I'm falling for you Derek, and I'm terrified," she admitted, sniffling a little.

"We can take it in baby steps," he rubbed his thumb against her cheek, wiping away tears.

"I can't," she breathed.

"Please," he pleaded, he didn't want to lose her. He couldn't, "just give me a chance."

"I don't know," she shook her head. It was a lot for her, the way she was feeling. It was a mixture between scared to death and wanting to love him.

"No one has to know. This could just be me and you, no one else has to know. I want this, more than anything I've ever known."

"Derek," she sighed, looking into his eyes.

"Just go on one date with me. If you still don't want to we don't have to have anything else but friendship. I want to try," he said, his words very promising.

"Ok," she nodded, her tears had stopped but she felt her heart ache. She didn't know what to do but she also wanted to try.

"Ok," he replied, a sigh of relief. He kisses her forehead, hugging her once more.

"Can we go get lunch? I want to know about CJ's appointment," he said to her. She nodded, following him out of the exam room. They went to the cafeteria and grabbed their lunch, sitting alone in the corner.

"They did an MRI and checked the tumor, it had grown more than they expected," Meredith said to him. Derek frowned, knowing what that meant.

"What are you going to do?" He asked.

"He's having the surgery next week to remove it but I'm scared," she admitted.

"I understand. I don't know how you are handling it so well."

"I'm not really, I'm terrified. I feel like this is just going to get worse. I don't want him to go through this," she breathed, trying to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

"It will be fine. He will do amazing and the surgery will help him," Derek assured her.

"I want to be not scared about this but I know the possible complications and I just can't stop thinking about the bad things," she sighed, looking down at the food in front of her.

"It's understandable, doctors make the worst patient parents but you have to just believe. Believe in the medicine and how it has advanced so far, he will be fine," Derek assured her, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand. She didn't move her hand, just looking up at him. His eyes were so reassuring to her, it was like what he was saying was right and she didn't have to worry. The butterflies in her stomach began to flutter as he smiled at her.

"Thank you," she said softly. Her pager began to ring and she looked at it, an apologetic look across her face at him.

"It's fine, I understand," he chuckled a little, moving his hand.

"I'll see you later," she said with a small smile before standing and going to her emergency.