trouble | g.d

chapter twenty seven

Grayson's POV:

I slammed my foot down on the gas, desperate to leave Bella's house to go home, or anywhere. I couldn't be there, I felt as if I were about to explode, and she can't see that.

My shaky hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, my knuckles turning white from the force. My breath was shaky, and sweat beads were forming on my head, which I wiped away instantly.

She wants to take a break. Well, she doesn't want too, but she thinks we need to. I understand why, but we can't. I can't. I don't know what I'll do without her in my life.

My thoughts were completely cut off as I pulled up in my front path, parking the car instantly and climbing out, slamming the door angrily behind me. I opened the front door which was unlocked, letting me know that I wasn't alone.
" Hey, Gray- " My brother begun, being cut off by me stomping up the stairs, ignoring whatever he said and slamming my bedroom door behind me.
I couldn't control myself, I felt something which I hadn't felt in so long.
The shaky and anxious feeling in me started to rise as I sat on my bed, looking at the draw at the bottom of my desk which I haven't opened in a while. Thinking about Bella urged me to do it, as I lunged forward, opening the draw with the key which was hidden under the shelf. I had almost forgotten the passcode, but soon unlocked it, my breath hitching as I opened the small draw.

I pulled out the leftover belongings, throwing them onto my bed carelessly and sitting down, contemplating whether to do what I was about to do next. I couldn't even think straight, with a million things on my mind. From losing the girl I love to possibly having a panic attack because of it... I didn't know how to react. My vision soon became blurry, and at first I thought it was the effects of me getting anxious, but no, it was tears.
" fuck " I mumbled, wiping away the tears, knowing that I didn't want to cry.
However, I couldn't help myself. The tears started uncontrollably rolling down my cheeks, while I shakily grabbed the small container of anti depressants, the ones I haven't touched in a while.

I haven't told Isabella about that part of my life, I completely skipped it out. I don't want her to think I'm fucked up, but at some times, I am. Before Isabella came into my life I was all over the place, with alcohol, drugs... you name it. All of that, because of Meredith, and what she did to my family. I was never addicted to the smoking or drugs, I jut did it to try and save myself mentally, to wake myself from this nightmare which was never ending. When in reality I was just damaging myself more. I was depressed, but as soon as Isabella walked into my life, it was like everything just flipped for me. And as soon as I heard her say that we needed to take a break, it was like all of my past depression came flooding back. I was so happy and in a bubble with Bella in my life that I didn't even think twice about throwing away the anti depressants I had, or the cigarettes. But, I did leave one packet each behind.

I nervously opened up the container of pills, pouring three out into my hand, adding another to the collection in my palm. I stared at them hopelessly, the thought of Bella coming back into my mind. The more I thought about her and stared at the pills, I just couldn't bring myself to do it, making me throw them into the trash can beside my bed.

By now the tears were flowing at an inhuman rate, my cheeks stinging because of the unfamiliar feeling. I never cry, never. And to be crying, let alone like this, over someone, is just insane. I really am in love, with someone that I just can't have anymore.

I repeated that over and over in my head, the words becoming more and more heartbreaking to hear the more I said them, which wasn't my intention. I thought that repeating it would make me accept it, but no. I wasn't willing to let Isabella go, nor was I willing to give up on us. That's something I could never do, and never will do. I will get her back, no matter how long it takes.